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Schwarzer Skips Off

Posted by on May 22, 2008 8:12 AM | 

SO, SERIAL transfer-listee and much misspelled Mark Schwarzer finally got his wish to join one of Europe's giants, as predicted by his agent. Not Juventus. Not Bayern. Not even Bolton. But Fulham, former Anglo-Scottish Cup finalists and occasional InterToto Cup qualifiers Fulham. That's a bit of a come down for a shot-stopper who always gave the impression that he thought he was bigger than Boro.

It is not the end of the world for most Boro fans... although starting the new season with Ross from Friends between the sticks might be.

Twice previously having asked for a move and twice being touted around the G14 clubs without a sniff - Portsmouth inquired once but baulked at his wages - the "greatest Austarlia hero since Ned Kelly" has finally got his switch in one of the most downbeat transfer ever. Like pre-season injuries, the shirts being late and transfer targets being hi-jacked, Arnie being in some kind of contract dispute with most of the snippets about it coming out in the Aussie press has become one of the most distinctive signs of a Boro summer.

After years of crying wolf Boro fans will barely raise an eyebrow at the long expected exit - the ripples will quickly fade and the focus will immediately move on to discussion about his successor - while Fulham fans are sure to be underwealmed too.

That is strange. Schwarzer is probably Boro's best keeper ever. I've made that claim before and been barracked in the street by anti-Skippy militants but I think it is hard to argue otherwise. His rivals for that crown played most of their football either in the lower leagues or the mists of time and are certainly shrouded in a haze of talent enhancing nostalgia. Schwarzer played all bar one of his 11 seasons at Boro in the top division and bar one brief spell where he came back from injury and stand-in Mark Crossley was in electric form and became a cause celebre after being dropped, his position as Number One has never been in question.

He played at Wembley, he was a winner and a key factor at the Carling Cup victory at the Millenium Stadium and played a blinder several times on the road to Eindhoven - in Rome and Bucharest in particular. The big Aussie was Boro's keeper through a Golden Age of unprecedented success and for that deserves respect and credit, no matter how grudging.

Yet he was never loved here. Respected generally maybe but vocally disliked by some pockets in the crowd from day one, he provoked outbreaks of frustration, some long-standing gripes about putative weaknesses - can't kick, won't come out, doesn't save anything from 25 yards - and an undercurrent of distrust but was never given the unconditional emotional support that a decade of sterling service usually brings. He never engaged with the crowd and, even though he has been here what in modern terms is an entire historical epoch, he always left the impression that he wanted away, he was playing beneath himself and had the getaway car engine running outside with the Sat Nav programmed for Old Trafford or the San Siro.

He has spent most of the last year in a 'will he, won't he' contractual stand-off and his exit will be met by a resigned shrug of the shoulders. Most cynical observers knew he was off when he dragged his kids around the Riverside pitch for the final day lap of honour.

At least he had the good grace not to push for the testimonial he was "due" last term. Although he was on the list again so the crowd would probably have been lower than for Bernie's.

"I am delighted to have joined Fulham and look forward immensely to the new challenge in my career," Schwarzer said. Which is fair enough. "I spent many happy years at Middlesbrough and would like to thank everyone there for their valued support.

"However, I felt the time was right for me to move on, and when the opportunity to talk to Roy Hodgson about his plans came about, although I had other offers from some great clubs throughout Europe, it didn’t take long to make a decision about joining the Fulham. I’m now looking forward to joining up with the Australian National team for our World Cup Qualifiers and then of course to meeting up with the rest of the lads for pre-season at Fulham in July."

Cynics may scoff at the idea that he had rejected offers from the likes of Juventus but it is not so far fetched. He would make a good and experienced - and relatively cheap - second string keeper for them for two years, especially if he arrived on a free. But it would not be a good move for him. If he is to play in the World Cup for Australia - and he has made it clear that is still central to his career - then he must have first team football. Two appearances a season as an understudy to Buffon is no use to him at this stage.

So Fulham it is. Cottagers' Houdini-act boss Roy Hodgson said, in that strange clipped 1960s newsreel school master tone of his: "After stiff competition from a number of high profile European clubs, I am exceptionally pleased that Mark has chosen to come to Fulham.

"His credentials on both the domestic and international arenas are impeccable which is reinforced by the calibre of clubs that wanted to sign him. We have some work to do off the field this summer to enable us to compete next season in the Premier League and to avoid the position we found ourselves in a short time ago. Therefore I am very pleased that Mark will be joining us and helping with the task ahead.’

Now, the pressure really will mount. If Southgate really intends to stick with Brad Jones - he can't really mean it can he? - then we are in big trouble.

Comments (71)

John Powls wrote...

Just seen an article that says Skippy has signed a two year deal for Fulham.

That seems a strange move for him. I know he was after a contract that took him to the World Cup and you can always take the agent's gossip about Juventus and Bayern with a pinch of salt.

But Fulham?

Oh well, not our problem any more. He has been steady for us - never one of the Prem's top rank but a consistent member of 'best of the rest.' But it was time for a change.

Now Gate has to give up the silliness about Brad Jones or Turnbull being able to take over.

I was staggered to read in Philip Tallentire's piece rating the squad this year that Gate rates Jones. I can't fathom why.

It's certainly nothing he's ever done on the pitch in a game. I've been unfortunate to see most of the few first team outings he's had and he scares everyone - including the rest of our defence.

Turnbull has done OK in the limited chances he's had but it's way too early for him. No, we must buy.

And there are lots of good prospects available - and I don't mean Welsh U21s from Crewe.

I have to say, of the Prem possibles, I would still go for Robinson from Spurs for all the reasons I've set out before.

But Jaskelainen is out of contract and presumably Niemi is no longer needed at Fulham. ManUre have Kuszchak and Foster backing up Van de Saar. James' deputy at Pompey, Ashdowne is good and may not want to sit out another season on their bench.

So, lots of choice. And that's without looking at the better prospects in the Championship, of which there are quite a few.

Finally, I see the seasonal warning from Gate about not expecting early signings. This comes just about a week after he said that he was aiming to get players in early.

Early or late, isn't about knowing your targets and going out and getting them.

Sidwell is, apparently, such a target. Word has it that he wants his future sorted this week. So if we want to beat off Villa etc there's no use waiting.

Posted by: John Powls  | May 22, 2008 9:10 AM

Ian Gill wrote...

So Swarz is off to Fulham. Whilst there will be some cheering to the rafters and celebrating I will say thanks for the service and good luck.

He wasnt the best nor was he worst keeper in the premiership or our history. If Gate thinks Corporal Jones is the one to replace him then in the words of Private Lawrie 'werrrree dooommmmed'.

Notice we are interested in the young keeper at Crewe, dont know much about him but I believe he is a good prospect.

Enjoyed the Champions League last night, shame it went to penalties.

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 22, 2008 9:12 AM

Nigel wrote...

I hear on BBC Radio 5 this morning that Schwarzer has signed a two year contract with Fulham.

If its true then I'd like to say good luck and thanks to him. He's been a good ,consistent under rated keeper for a long time and shown loyalty rarely seen these days.

In the last season or two his form has slipped a little and I think he has made the right decision to leave now.
Presumably he has got the two year contract he wanted to take him up to the next world cup.

It will be interesting to see if GS sticks to his stated intent of 'promoting' Jones or Turnbull. I hope the reports that he rates Jones are wrong, but I'd be happy to see Turnbull promoted to No. 1.

Posted by: Nigel  | May 22, 2008 9:13 AM

Never Happy wrote...

Thanks Mark Schwarzer for all of your efforts at the Boro.

I think that all the talk of Champions League football was an attempt to get a better contract at the Boro (which agent does not try this for his players)?

I also think that ending up moving to Fulham shows that MS is past his best.

I only hope that GS is joking when he says that Jones could be our keeper next season.

With defensive options of Young, McMahon, Grounds, Riggott, Wheater, Huth, Pogatetz, Taylor, Hines, the last thing we need is a keeper who looks way of of his depth in the PL.

Turnbull may yet prove himself in the PL, but we now need a top class keeper. At least MS has left early enough to give GS plenty of time to replace him.

C'Mon Boro!

Posted by: Never Happy  | May 22, 2008 9:53 AM

John Powls wrote...

AV

On an entirely different topic - what news of that nice Mr. Paylor? I seem to remember reading on here a while ago that he hadn't been well. There may have been an update but I may have missed it.

**AV writes: Covering the Boro finally got to Eric. He had successful heart bypass surgery last month and is well on the road to full recovery. He should be back fighting fit for the start of the season and in good time to play in goal ahead of Brad Jones.

Posted by: John Powls  | May 22, 2008 10:41 AM

Chris Thorne wrote...

Schwarzer gone, and I now read on the offical webiste that Keith Lamb has said that its up 'to Ross Turnbull and Brad Jones to battle it out for the no1' spot! "

No disrespect to either goalie, in fact I have quite liked a few of Turnbull appearances this season, but with his relatively young age and Jones' clanger mentality, are these two goalies really what we need next season between the sticks if we want to finish in the top-10 next season?!

AV do you know if this is actually the case, or are they looking at strengthening the goalkeeping area?

**AV writes: I find it inconceivable that they are not.

Posted by: Chris Thorne  | May 22, 2008 11:00 AM

Stippy wrote...

Brad Jones... oh nooooooooooo

Posted by: Stippy  | May 22, 2008 11:27 AM

stockton red wrote...

Not too bothered about his departure. He's stated a desire to play for another 2 years and then retire back to Australia. At some point we had to find a replacemant and it might as well be now.

His form at the start of the season was dodgy at best and it seemed that out of every 2 shots on target 1 went in.

Turnbull looked O.K. from what I have seen but why Jones is still on our books at 26 I have'nt got a clue. We need another keeper in.

Posted by: stockton red  | May 22, 2008 11:28 AM

Ian Gill wrote...

John Powls pre-empted my query about Uncle Eric and as I didnt know what ailment he had didnt want to ask though I am sure AV would have handled it tactfully. As with the rest of the long suffering Boro fans can you please pass on our best wishes.

Just as well Corporal Jones wasnt the surgeon as the heart bypass would have trickled past him into the net or he would have rushed into the operating theatre and missed the patient.

As mentioned above at least Swarz has gone early but the words of Gate trouble me. He keeps saying he has learnt lessons, well being an advocate of 'permission to come out for the cross, Captain Mainwaring' is clearly one lesson too far for him.

Go for Robinson and settle that position now - Villa will be looking for a keeper now Carson is unlikely to join them . Then go in for Sidwell, the Barry to Liverpool saga still rumbles on and may impact on Villa's ability to do a deal. Lets get them both in and set the tone for the summer, it would give the fans and squad a lift.

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 22, 2008 11:35 AM

Nigel wrote...

Uncle Eric in goal ahead of Brad Jones would get my vote every time.

GS needs to put Jones out of his misery and ship him out sharpish. I think Turnbull could be a good keeper, but as we all know there are plenty of good keepers around.

I notice several posts refering to the need for Boro to sort their transfer business out pronto. But its not that simple is it? Take Sidwell for instance ,we could make an offer have it accepted and then what? The players agent makes calls to 'bigger' clubs or at least those playing in the UEFA cup to see if there is a better deal to be had, so the timing of transfers is not in Boro's hands.

We are not Man Utd we don't have that clout. The reality is Boro will probably have to wait until the champions league teams and UEFA cup teams have had their noses in the transfer trough and then hope the Barcodes dont want the same player and offer twice the wages.

Talking of the Barcodes perhaps we could persuade King Kev to buy Jones.

Posted by: Nigel  | May 22, 2008 11:44 AM

Never Happy wrote...

Eric or Brad Jones in goal for the Boro.

AV start a poll and I think Eric might just come out on top.

C'Mon Boro!

Posted by: Never Happy  | May 22, 2008 11:56 AM

Never Happy wrote...

Nigel - granted we do not have the pulling power of the CL clubs.

Boro should know who they want to sign, so make the offer to the club and the player now. If we are turned down, move onto the next target.

I don't want to see players coming to the Boro as a last resort, I want Boro to sign players who want to play for our club.

C'Mon Boro!

Posted by: Never Happy  | May 22, 2008 12:01 PM

Greeny wrote...

My Boro goalkeeping memories go back as far as Willy (gizz a fag) Whigam. In my view, Schwarzer is the best we've had. Not perfect, but he rarely let us down.

Now, if Southgate is going to stick with Jones, I take back all of the good stuff I`ve ever said about our manager. Jones as first choice keeper would be a disaster of epic proportions.

I am not a supporter of the boo-boy chicken-run style of getting rid of players, but if Southgate doesn`t understand the implications of playing someone in whom the fans in general have no confidence, then we have a manager who's naivety will get us relegated.

Just imagine the crowd attitude the first time (next season that is) he drops a gooly. God help him - and us.

Posted by: Greeny  | May 22, 2008 12:26 PM

Ian Gill wrote...

Nigel

Totally agree about the likely timescales and have posted the same points many a time in the past but a couple of good buys such as Sidwell or Robinson (article suggests we are not interested) would set us up.

A keeper and a central midfield box to box player would improve the squad hugely. Aliadiere can play right side and has the pace and workrate for it not to be a make do option. We can play Jinky on that flank.

Up front we will have Alves, Tuncay, Mido, Aliadiere who will get us more goals than last season. We have central defenders and full backs.

We can always improve but it is those two key positions that need improving. Making a concerted effort to cover those positions must be worth it

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 22, 2008 12:52 PM

Mark wrote...

With Schwarzer gone, a big decision needs to be made this summer regarding the future of Ross Turnbull.

We all know that from what we have seen of Jones so far, he doesn't look capable of the sort of penalty area authority or, consistency of performance that is required to be a successful goalkeeper in the premier league.

So,we must now ask ourselves whether Ross Turnbull is good enough to be the long term replacement, or potential long term replacement for skippy?

Gareth Southgate and Stephen Pears should of seen enough by now to be able to make a pretty good judgement regarding Turnbull's ability, and If the lad is good enough, then to compliment our policy of youth development ending with promotion to the first team, he should be given the chance to prove this talent to everyone who has not seen enough of him yet to be able to judge.

Alternatively, if they feel that he needs another season as an understudy, then why not sign a goalkeeper from a top team who needs first team football, (Carson, Foster, Kusczak?) on a season long loan deal and give Turnbull more time to develop whilst saving millions in the process.

But if neither of these two scenarios apply, and we know now that he is not good enough, then it is obvious that we need to bite the bullett and spend big money on a top young stopper.

However, all of this is irrelevant if Southgate has forgiven Jones for his gaffes and incompetence, and has to find out all over again that he is not the answer.

If this is the case, then we could have a very long season ahead of us, where the lessons that Southgate claims both he and Jones have learned, are re-learned again, and again, and the progress that would be a top 10 finish, yet again fails to materialise.

Posted by: Mark  | May 22, 2008 1:25 PM

Nigerian Red wrote...

AV, why can't I see this blog on the main Evening Gazette website? I saw it on the NewsNow site.....

On the keeper front, there is a rumour that the Al Ahly's keeper Al Hadary's move to a Swiss club has fallen through. It would be well worth an enquiry.

**AV writes: Do I look like a geek? The blog server has been playing up for a few days. I've tried rebooting it, pressing alt-con-delete and even hitting it with a hammer to no avail. I've got a man with a Star Trek t-shirt on the job.

Posted by: Nigerian Red  | May 22, 2008 1:56 PM

peterboroangel wrote...

Can anyone name a better Boro keeper?

Best of luck to him after fantastic service.

My memories are the early days of him commanding his area, the performances in Europe and the penalty save v Man City which was the difference between qualifying and not.

His biggest weakness for me was his kicking. Why wasn't this area of his game improved? That is the fault of the coaches in my opinion.

After his time a Boro he deserves a different challenge. The fact he chose Fulham has left me gobsmacked - but I wish him all the best.

I would also suggest that the fans remember he is probably the most loyal player during our recent history.

Posted by: peterboroangel  | May 22, 2008 1:58 PM

Redcar Red wrote...

Well good luck to Skippy. Whilst we can focus on his poor kicking and inability to build a rapport with the fans along with his constant whining from afar whilst on International duty, as AV said I believe him to be the best we have had and wish him all the best down at the cottage.

With Niemi and Keller already there it seems likely that at least one of them will be departing.

Surely Gate's comments about the two lads was just purely posturing during Schwarzers negotiations. Nobody in their right mind would risk a Premiership season with rookies in goal.

For me Jones will always cause anxiety with the fans which will transmit itself to him and a move to fresh pastures would offer him the best opportunity for his career to progress. Turnbull leaves me undecided which is reason enough to bring in some experience.

Posted by: Redcar Red  | May 22, 2008 2:02 PM

davwind wrote...

Isn't a good keeper remembered by how many points he saved us a season? Now Skippy wasn't a bad keeper but I can't remember him saving us singled handedly apart from the penalty save from Man City and Fowler.

Now I'm not denigrating SCHWARZER but I'd have Stephen PEARS everytime. And didn't he get an England call up whilst with the BORO but couldn't fulfil it because of a dislocated finger. That guy was worth 12 points a season at least every season.

Or am I wearing rose tinted specs again? If Schwarzer was that good he'd have moved to a bigger club years ago. Give TURNBULL a go but have back up(maybe Andy Dibble again!)

Posted by: davwind  | May 22, 2008 3:40 PM

'Ignorant' of boroland wrote...

Thanks for the memories Swartz !

Jones should go also. He may be thinking now I will have a chance to prove myself with a decent run in the team , but in my opinion , as soon as he makes the first mistake the Riverside zeitgeist will vomit and dark clouds will appear overhead.

It is actually not fair on Brad to play him again unless there is a war on and we have our backs to the wall. He should be gone and we should buy Robinson or loan a keeper of the Man U or a big club who have plenty.

I am now gonna take some Gaviscon as the acid caused over Southgate's comments on Brad being good enough are choking me!

Posted by: 'Ignorant' of boroland  | May 22, 2008 3:45 PM

Never Happy wrote...

I heard it rumoured that after the Sunderland game Jones was so distressed about his performance that he tried to commit suicide.He tried throwing himself in front of a bus but it went under him!

The next attempt failed when the following bus went through his legs.

C'Mon Boro!

Posted by: Never Happy  | May 22, 2008 3:50 PM

Ian Gill wrote...

If we take Gates words at face value on the club website we will not be looking for a new keeper, Corporal Jones and Turnbull will back for pre season to fight over the shirt.

Oops!

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 22, 2008 3:50 PM

Ian Gill wrote...

Never Happy

That is plagiarism, the bus story originated in Leeds during the Gary Sprake days and has been used before. You are as bad as AV!

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 22, 2008 4:00 PM

'Ignorant' of boroland wrote...

Never Happy, your Jones suicide jokes are great.
My trousers still havent dried after reading your post.

Posted by: 'Ignorant' of boroland  | May 22, 2008 4:36 PM

Dennis Wilson wrote...

Good luck Schwarzer,

a good servant to our club, however I would rather have stevie wonder in goals than brad jones, how about a poll on that one AV?

**AV writes: So the choice is Stevie or Eric?

Posted by: Dennis Wilson  | May 22, 2008 4:49 PM

Martin K wrote...

I wholeheartedly agree with the other posts, the thought of Jones as number 1 is a very scary one for sure. He's failed to impress on too many occasions, the Makems match being the latest.

I hope the earlier post which speculated that Gate's backing of Jones was "posturing" is proved to be correct or at least an attempt by GS to throw other clubs chasing a keeper we're courting on the sly off the scent.

I hope Eric P's op was a total success but fear he may be going under the knife again if he's having to watch Brad between the sticks!

Turnbull looks sound but is practically unproven, but so was Wheater this time last year.

I admire what Gate's trying to achieve but I feel he could be making a fatal error and consigning us to yet another scrape with relegation if he's prepared to gamble 4 1/2 months of the season before we can get a keeper in if our existing options don't work out.

Look what gambling on strikers did for us last term. Good cheaper alternatives to Robinson (who'd be my first choice) could be Myhill at Hull (if they don't get up) or Hennessey from Wolves.

Another area, aside from a midfield rebuilding exercise which is seemingly underway, is the addition of a proven left back.

Finally, we all know he had his moments, but in general Schwarzer was a good servant for the Boro and in the words of GS " a model professional" and I'd like to wish him well ( I think any wishes of future success would be a bit far flung seeing as it's Fulham he's signed for). Sort it out GS let's move on and get a quality replacement.

Posted by: Martin K  | May 22, 2008 5:23 PM

Richard wrote...

AV;
What's with the -

The blog that's "a disgrace to the profession" banner strapline?

What's the story behind that?

**AV writes: It is a quote from a scathing assessment of my objectivity from an irate Sunderland fan after I suggested Kenwyne Jones was "a Primark Drogba". I would have added "bitter and twisted" but it didn't all fit.

Posted by: Richard  | May 22, 2008 5:23 PM

Richard wrote...

Further to the ealier heads-up - here's the link URL to the page on which it appears, in case you hadn't seen it and it's a little residual present from your resident web-geek!:

http://anthonyvickers.boroblogs.co.uk/

Posted by: Richard  | May 22, 2008 5:27 PM

Richard wrote...

Never Happy:

Sorry chum, not allowed to laugh at the goalkeeper jokes.

Made in Leeds.......apparently!

Therefore, not funny......apparently!

Sod it! LOL

Posted by: Richard  | May 22, 2008 5:36 PM

Richard wrote...

I'm personally sorry to see Mark Schwarzer go.

He's been Boro's "resident" first choice goalkeeper throughout my own active Boro-supporting years to date.

However, I now wish Mark Schwarzer as much success at Fulham as Franck Queudrue had.

Nothing personal, you understand - just business!

Posted by: Richard  | May 22, 2008 5:49 PM

Malc wrote...

Ian Gill: I really want Robinson and Sidwell too.

What article says we are not interested in them?

I'd get those two, ship out Jones, Cattermole and Davies (I know he's gone but I used to post that every week so I like to keep up the tradition) and then keep the rest of the money for a SWP-style "spectacular" signing.

Posted by: Malc  | May 22, 2008 6:19 PM

Wheaters Lemontop wrote...

I for one would like to wish Skippy all the very best at Fulham.

I don’t dispute that he had failings but throughout a lengthy loyal service, in the main he remained consistent.

The performance Schwarzer produced following his howler during The Carling Cup final was outstanding in both skill and courage. Any true Boro fan should be eternally grateful for the contribution he played in making our history.

Let’s see what the detractors are saying when he’s gone and we are enduring Jones - no offence but the lad's not good enough.

Thanks Mark, you will always be remembered

Posted by: Wheaters Lemontop  | May 22, 2008 7:26 PM

johno wrote...


On the keeper front the boy Joe Hart at Man City is not happy on wages of £5000.a week. He is a quality no1 and will come to Boro .

Posted by: johno  | May 22, 2008 8:21 PM

PETER THOMPSON wrote...

GS must not be serious about Brad Jones being in contention for the No1 slot, and I am amazed that Stephen Pears also endorses him.

Please, Please, Please, do not go for the cheap option. Are the Boro cutting the wage bill again to save a few quid? Isn't the fact the Gook, Mendy and Rocky and Skippy going saving loads anyway.

If GS states Brad is his choice - the fans will win in the end by not attending games and they will demand GS to resign. Then the bring back Mogga campaign will start.

I hope this is not the start of another relegation season. Get a keeper and keep Turnbull as No2 - he has got potential.

The nerves have started, the alarm bells are ringing and the hair is receeding - Oh well - C'mon Boro

Pete T.

Posted by: PETER THOMPSON  | May 22, 2008 8:54 PM

john sully wrote...

Not that upset that Schwarzer is gone. Good keeper, not brilliant but has made some very important saves for Boro. Mow let's see what Turnbull has to offer.

Posted by: john sully  | May 22, 2008 9:04 PM

Forever Dormo wrote...

Let's get back to the serious stuff after watching a European game in which I would have preferred both teams to have lost, if that were possible.

The general consensus from the above messages appears to be that Turnbull seems a much more likely (as opposed to frightening) prospect in goal than Jones, but as yet he is untried.

I posted a message on the subject of goalies in general and Schwarzer in particular at 10.20 on 02.05.08 (I thought I had, so went into your backnumbers to check). I could repeat it all here but basically I have not changed my views from then to now.

The keeper is the most important position in the team. A really good keeper in whom the defence has confidence is the making of a decent team. Without that confidence, the defence and midfield are noticeably more nervous (as well as the crowd so maybe it transmits to us?) and the team as a whole is weaker.

With a strong keeper games are saved which, on the balance of play, should have been lost. On the other hand mistakes by weak keepers cannot be rectified as usually there is no-one behind them to help out.

The FIRST priority should be the goalie, then we can look at the centre and right midfield and then elsewhere to strengthen the squad. Brian Clough and Alex Ferguson and Rafa are unlikely all to have been wrong on this issue.

Starting a new campaign without an experienced keeper on the books is asking for trouble. If it goes wrong, it would by the January transfer window before there is a chance to put it right and that might be too late to act as no decent keeper would risk coming to a club rooted at the foot of the table. The stakes are too high to gamble as it appears the club may intend to do.

I would sleep happier if Robinson were signed. Harper would do a job, would be guaranteed 38 starts unless injured and wouldn't have to move, and there are no doubt other suggestions which could be made. All of them will have more experience than Turnbull or Jones playing in a first team.

After that, let's try our hand at going for a Sidwell and the others, but please let's start at the back where our need is greatest now that Skippy has found his way to a top London club.

Posted by: Forever Dormo  | May 22, 2008 9:11 PM

tonyblack wrote...

Thank you, good luck and all the very best MS.

I thought he was a good keeper and a good servant to the club. Kept his private life in order as we would dearly love others to do so that the kids have better role models than the likes of a certain player from Newcastle who should never be allowed to play again after what he did recently.

What more do people want?

Yes, I hear what AV has to say about him having the getaway car ready and all that and that he thought he was bigger / better than the club, but for me this is neither here nor there.

He has been here an eternity, he's done a good job, he's kept his nose clean and been a great pro on and off the field and so I for one say thank you, all the best and good luck.

I'll miss him as getting rid's easy, replacing's all the more difficult, especially at non silly money.

And please, let's not have any talk of Robinson...

TB

Posted by: tonyblack  | May 22, 2008 9:13 PM

Clive Hurren wrote...

Schwarzer gone - not a surprise and not a disaster. I share many fans' views that he's been a really good servant to the club but I do think he was coming close to his sell-by date.

Early in the season, he seemed to let in every long-range shot that came his way (though I suppose our lack of defensive protection at the time with Woody out of sorts didn't help.)

Two abiding memories - Carling Cup Final (both good and bad) and the UEFA-Cup place penalty save at Man City that must have made Boro millions, with Eindhoven the end result - and one abiding, decade-long frustration - why did Skippy hardly ever throw the ball out to his full-backs but insisted on punting it miles upfield for the big centre-half to head it back???

Never Happy - you beat me to the Brad Jones jokes. Very funny! In mine he goes back to the dressing room after a bad game and puts his head in his hands. But it slips through his fingers and rolls on the floor.

Jones in goal? The longest suicide note in history. Gawd help us.

Posted by: Clive Hurren  | May 22, 2008 9:26 PM

Bob Waeltermann wrote...

Good luck to Schwarzer, good and faithful servant. He didn't leave us hanging all Summer and I thank him for that.

GS is really rolling the dice to say that the keeper job is between Turnbull and Jones ..... hope this ends OK. Could hurt our midfield search, I fear.

Posted by: Bob Waeltermann  | May 22, 2008 10:45 PM

jc wrote...

Good to see that dyslexia doesn't rule out a career in journalism.

I'd like to wish Schwarzer (not only oft-misspelled but oft mispronounced, if you're David Pleat) the best of luck in what remains of his footballing life.

Yes, he was rubbish at kicking, but he fixed that foible years ago. Yes, his mobility is waning as his years are waxing. Yes, (worst of all) his loyalty to the club he's been with for over a decade is shockingly shallow, and his press speil during contract time unwelcome.

But, I would back other posters in saying that he has been consistent, and in any case, has been a Boro player for, what, 11 years? And through some fantastic times.

So best of luck Mark, and just the slightest twinge of regret for the 6 points we'll take from you next season.

As for GS's comments on Jones and Turnbull, I'm not worried. In fact, I'm pleased. He's merely taking the first step in the months long future negotiations for a new keeper, setting out his stall with a "we're not desperate, so we're not going to stump up a fortune" preemptive strike.

That has to be what he's doing, isn't it. Isn't it?

Oh God, it is isn't it??!??

Posted by: jc  | May 22, 2008 11:19 PM

Ian Gill wrote...

Richard

Didnt say you couldnt laugh at the joke about goalies, the best is still when the Liverpool tannoy blared out 'Careless Hands' after Sprake threw the ball into the net at Anfield.

Malc

It was about the goalkeeper not Sidwell, Gate stated on the MFC website that Turnbull and Jones were to fight out for number one as did Lambie for that matter.

I also saw a comment at the end of another article stating Boro were not interested in Robinson. It could all be a bluff but when the club states there will be no early signings they tend to stick to their word.

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 22, 2008 11:55 PM

Never Happy wrote...

Ian - I thought I was plagurising a joke about Scottish goalkeepers (was Sprake a Scot?)

**AV writes: "It's almost ten past Haffey"?

Posted by: Never Happy  | May 23, 2008 8:34 AM

Nigerian Red wrote...

What about the Bristol City keeper Adriano Basso? He's Brasillian but qualifies for England soon. If City fail tomorrow it would be worth sounding them out.

He's looked very good in the play offs. Would have to lose the pony tail though!

Posted by: Nigerian Red  | May 23, 2008 9:00 AM

BoroPhil wrote...

I agree 100% with tonyblack's last post. Amazing, next I'll be agreeing with Powls.

Massive pat on the back for Schwarzer, he had his faults but the good points definitely outweighed the bad. Let's hope he gets a great reception when he returns next season.

No no no for Robinson, and thankfully it seems the management agrees. I'd give Turnbull a chance.

Posted by: BoroPhil  | May 23, 2008 10:04 AM

James Emmerson wrote...

Clive Hurren wrote...

"Schwarzer gone - not a surprise and not a disaster. Two abiding memories - Carling Cup Final (both good and bad) and the UEFA-Cup place penalty save at Man City that must have made Boro millions, with Eindhoven the end result."

I would agree with Clive about the abiding memories of the player I personally regard as Boro's best ever signing - and don't forget it was Robson who did the business.

To get 11 years out of any player these days is astonishing and we are far better off for having Schwarzer at the club despite some errors and indifferent displays - and lets face it, playing behind some of the defenders he's had to, who wouldn't? I think he's been class and outstanding value too.

My favourite Schwarzer save would be one he made in our Divison 2 season in 1997-98. Late in the season, a Friday evening game live on Sky away at Port Vale. Merson scored within a minute of the start and Boro typically proceeded to pass up chance after chance (the days of dear old Hamilton (Dis)Ricard up front) while allowing Vale back into the game.

Somehow Boro held out but from one attack late in the game a Vale player had a free header from just a few yards out and pinged it straight for the top corner. Schwarzer was off balance, wrong-footed but made the most amazing, balletic leap, flailed his left arm out and palmed the ball up onto the bar before catching the rebound.

It was the kind of moment when all the Vale fans were already celebrating the goal, it was that certain, but the gasps and screams of astonishment when they realised that Schwarzer had saved it still live with me now. Schwarzer had a huge smile on his face and turned towards the bench making cigar-smoking gestures to an ecstatic Robson.

Thanks to Hamilton missing another late sitter Boro held on for the 1-0 and it was to prove a massive result in Boro getting an automatic promo slot. Schwarzer paid for himself ten times over and then some with that save. Magnificent stuff.

Brian Clough was ridiculed for paying £270,000 for Peter Shilton but he gave short shrift to journalists telling him it was crazy money. "A good goalie can be worth 18 points a season" he said, and - as in most things football - he was right. Schwarzer can leave with his head high and should be well thought of by every Boro fan.

Why Fulham? My own theory is partly practical (proximity to London airports for Australia-related trips, and also because Aus have played some friendlies in the capital) and also because it's a decent paying, low-expectation club where survival will do.

Schwarzer probably realises he's past his peak and playing in high-profile games with big pressure every week (e.g. in the Bundesliga)is not something he needs at this stage.

Posted by: James Emmerson  | May 23, 2008 10:10 AM

DAVE CONNOR wrote...

So Schwatzer or however you want to spell it, has gone - two seasons too late is my personal opinion and I am allowed it.

AV I know you say things sometimes to make them debatable, however you are being unfair to other goal keepers at the BORO.

The premiership is only the FIRST DIVISION nothing more and nothing less. So what about the goalkeepers from BORO who did PLAY in the first division? I personally would have Jim Platt in my team at any time before skippy. Also Steven Pears another keeper who warrants merit.

Dont get me wrong Schwarser was not a bad goalkeeper, but niether was he one of the best I have seen in my many years of watching and playing (played till I was 58 and could still put in a good performancer) and know when and when not to come for balls and this was one of Shawtser biggest failings.

Also for the last two seasons his positional play has been very suspect. He has tried once to often to hold the BORO to ransom and what happened previously NO OTHER TEAM ACTUALLY WANTED HIM.

Thank you very much for the service, but I for one am glad that he has gone. I would like to see Turnbull given his chance to establish himself in the team

Posted by: DAVE CONNOR  | May 23, 2008 10:13 AM

Ian Gill wrote...

Never Happy

I'm afraid he was Welsh but there were many legendary Scottish goalies not least dog Rough. I think Coppell scored goals in three successive internationals against Scotland, all inside the six yard box from knock downs by the goalie.

We had the legendary Willie Whigham who, like Dracula, was terrified of crosses. He relied on his shot stopping to keep us intact. I dread to think how would cope today with the whole team stood on his toes blocking his line of sight.

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 23, 2008 10:13 AM

Mrs Mildred Jones wrote...

Brad Jones... oh nooooooooooo...
owww 'ere, you doyles leave our Brad alone. are yer listening to us, like!

**AV writes: I think all you angry players' Mams on here need to set up your own Facebook group or something.

Posted by: Mrs Mildred Jones  | May 23, 2008 10:22 AM

jiffy wrote...

Surprised it hasn't been mentioned before but Schwarz will likely stay in Boro's record books for all time as our highest ever capped player. He passed Wilf Mannion's figure of 26 some time back.

I have never been a fan of Schwarzer but really believe he epitomises the real problems at the club in that he was made a worse player by the inept coaching at the club.

I well recall his debut at Stockport in the cup semifinal 1st leg. His signing was too late for him to have had a coaching session with us before he took the field at Stockport. What a revelation that night - a Boro keeper in complete command of his defenders and 6 yard box. Had to go back a long time to find one like that in a Boro shirt.

Three days and a couple of coaching sessions later - one of the worst goalkeeping performances by a Boro keeper I had seen up till then at Sheffield wednesday - a 3-1 defeat with 2 goals scored with nearpost headers from corners past a leaden-footed motionless keeper. Signs of what was to follow. Couldnt believe it was the same man. Thats what Boro goalkeeping coaching does for you.

He has had his good days since. If I had anything to admire about him it would have to be the performance at Cardiff after gifting Bolton a goal. From that moment till half time the game and cup could have been lost but for an immense 20 minutes from him. That took some guts.

**AV writes: For me his best was away at Roma when we were really under the cosh and he made a string of unbelievable saves to keep the dream alive.

Posted by: jiffy  | May 23, 2008 11:50 AM

Nigerian Red wrote...

Jiffy, maybe I'm nit picking but I think you'll find that Branco got 72 caps for Brasil.

Posted by: Nigerian Red  | May 23, 2008 2:06 PM

Malc wrote...

Brad Jones is so careless it's six months old and his wife still hasn't let him hold their newborn.

Jc- got a good laugh about your desperate pleas 'Gate is bluffing about the GK situation.

Ian Gill - thank you for the clarification, mate.

Posted by: Malc  | May 23, 2008 3:18 PM

Halifax Red wrote...

Just reading the Brian Clough book where he talks about the signing of Peter Shilton as being his best one.

MS did a brilliant job for us over many years however the future does concern me. 'Experts' tell us about the need for a strong spine in the team. Ours looks really good for next season, doesn't it?

Posted by: Halifax Red  | May 23, 2008 3:19 PM

John Powls wrote...

I don't know if Gate's pronouncements in today's Gazette are new - as presented by Philip Tallentire - in response to some sort of 'Are you serious?' question by PT.

Or are they just warmed up leftovers from earlier exchanges after Skippy announced he was going. Certainly the words look just about identical.

Maybe Gate feels that if he repeats it often enough out loud he will convince himself and us that either Jones or Turnbull are a viable replacement for Old Scissorhands.

But it doesn't matter how often you say it - they're not.

Aside from his fictional Mum, I can't find anyone - even the most foam handed on here - who will even attempt a justification for Brad Jones. The best it gets is that they just don't mention him to avoid having to criticise him.

He's not got it and is never going to have what it takes for a Prem goalie.

Young Turnbull has been steady-ish in the couple of outings he had. He may well be the answer longer term. But do we want to stake such a lot on him until he's matured more and maybe had a more lengthy loan?

I don't think so, personally.

Clearly, Gate didn't think that either of them were serious challengers to Skippy over recent times where the older Aussie's form was steady but not spectacular.

And when he was injured they were shunted out as soon as he was fit - and, for the most part, we were all glad to have him back between the sticks.

Surely, we want a custodian to replace Skippy who improves us, not one who'll leave us vulnerable and undermine the back 4 or someone who is just learning.

When I say 'such a lot' is staked I believe that you build a team from the back forwards and you pay particular attention to the spine of the side.

We've gone a long way to having the back four sorted, with some flexibilty and cover. Centre-backs are particularly strong.

We've invested heavily up front and have at least the makings of a decent pairing in Tuncay and Alves. Again there is cover in those positions.

We all know that central midfield is the area where Gate has said he'll focus to strengthen.

So, the other priority is a good, experienced keeper. And in terms of the 'back forward' sequence you might say that that position should be filled first. Skippy's early departure - unusually - has given the opportunity to do just that.

In the last week alone, I've heard S'ralex, Avram Grant, Capello, O'Neill, Wenger and Ramos waxing lyrical about the importance of the goalkeeper in the modern game and to team-building.

Despite the penalty save, S'ralex was already talking about succession for Van de Saar as being his next order of priority for building his team.

The Gate methodology of 'let Jones and Turnbull fight it out in pre-season' leaves you with the possibility of going into the season proper and confirming what we already know - that neither of them are good enough - and the usual last minute scrabble to secure someone.

As opposed to now where there are at least 5 good Prem goalkeepers available or likely to be and more already seasoned in the Championship.

Trouble is, if Gate's quotes are new, albeit repeated, he is painting himself into a corner that he will find it difficult to get out of sans egg-on-face until he's forced out.

Whilst I applaud much else of what he's said about what he wants to do in this pre-season I believe this to be a fundamental mistake and one with significant potential negative consequences for next season.

**AV writes: The quotes were released by the club yesterday afternoon. They will have been an expanded version of the one liners that came out in the immediate aftermath of the Schwarz news breaking.

For my part I think it is inconceivable that Southgate intends to start the season with Jones in goal. He has never done anywhere enough to stake a claim as a number one.

Turnbull maybe has long term potential but for now is a bench-warmer and occasional early rounds of the League Cup kinda guy.

That means Boro MUST recruit. They will know that. The rest is man management and pre-emptive price talks.

Posted by: John Powls  | May 23, 2008 3:26 PM

Malc wrote...

Nigerian red- jiffy I believe meant caps while playing at the boro. All Branco got on Teesside were bed sores.

Posted by: Malc  | May 23, 2008 3:28 PM

Forever Dormo wrote...

1. We all seem agreed that of our two options, Ross Turnbull MIGHT be a possibility, but as he hasn't been tried and tested if would be a gamble.

He might be a better be in a year or two (in which case, if we get a tried and tested number one, Turnbull might be better being loaned out to a Championship team and come back match hardened). I note a deafening lack of confidence in Brad Jones but I accept his Mum must love him a lot!

2. Malc beat me to reply to the message about Branco.

3. Maybe an interesting thread would be a competition to name the "Champion Parmo Eater" in our recent history. It would be hotly contested. The probelm the southern Press has, is that it doesn't truly understand the delights of "Teesside's Favourite".

Greece may be famous for its kebabs, Peking for its "Duck", Spain for its Paella, but our place in the world's cuisine is secure for our own original night-time tempatation.

If that were not enough, having tasted a pork special, the brain issues a siren call to follow it down with a chicken version (just to compare, you see). And in order to compound the felony, having done this in Redcar one night, the next night any intrepid epicurean would wish to compare the examples of offer in Middlesbrough.

It's only reasonable to give the sub-regional capital's food outlets a fair crack at the whip. At the weekend, a trip to Stockton would be expected.

Down south, they just don't realise that the serious food critic has a difficult job, requiring dedication and a willingness to sacrifice the waistline in pursuit of the highly edible. It's just that, at Middlesbrough, we have employed one or two athletes whose prowess at the dinner table (or maybe whilst walking home from the pub of a night) has been more finely honed than prowess on the pitch.

Incidentally it helps, after a surfeit of Parmos, to rest on the Physio's couch as vigourous execise after a heavy night is not recommended.

4. Back to the goalie, though, I really hope Gareth makes the right decision here. This is more important than any other position on the field and, given where we finished last season, we cannot afford the luxury of a mistake.

Another goalie is more important than another striker. We do need a midfield, though.....perhaps he has in mind a role for Jinky after all, and intends to play O'Neill as a ball-winner in the middle. Even if we kept George (and at this stage I hope we do) we would still need to buy at least one ball-playing midfielder, to open up other teams.

5. Let's hope Hull City can do it and make it 2 Yorkshire teams in the Premier League (despite the lack of geography from our friends in the national Press - it's north of the Humber, south of the Tees and this side of the Pennines, so if it's not in the North Sea it must be in Yorkshire). I went there once to see a Yorkshire cricket match at the Circle, Anlaby Road: what an awful pitch whose outfield had obvioulsy been used for rugby!.

Fond football memories of Deano who at times earlier this season might have made a better fist of it at 39 than some of the strikers we were forced to put out.

You should have a look at his autobiography which I know was on sale at Borders on the Teesside Retail Park, in which he makes comments about his time at the Boro which will make you smile (eg the FA Cup semi-final against Arsenal at Old Trafford).

Fond memories of midget gem Barmby, too. They might well "do a Derby" (though I suspect if they did go up and came straight back down, they would gather more points than County), but at least they would have got to the Top Tier for the first time. As we have been reminded, the game is supposed to be about sporting glory and promotion, for them, would certainly be that.

6. But I still have a nagging doubt about the goalkeeping situation. I HOPE Gareth is trying to pull the wool over our eyes and really has a plan here. Or that Ross Turnbull really has the class to make it, and the ability to take that giant leap forward without the disasters that might be expected of someone just learning his trade with our club as the guinea pig.

The suspicion is, though, that if Skippy had signed for another two years, Turnbull would have been sitting on the Bench for all of that time rather than pushing Schwarzer out of the team. We will see soon enough.

Posted by: Forever Dormo  | May 24, 2008 2:16 AM

Bangkok Boro wrote...

This is a tough one for GS he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't!

Promote Turnbull and it turns out a bad decision the Boo boys will be at him, buy a new goalkeeper E.G Robinson who we all know is a little bit prone to mistakes the same will happen.

My own personal opinion i will go with whatever GS decides lets get behind him and if he blows it then he will have to live with it. Cmon Boro

Posted by: Bangkok Boro  | May 24, 2008 3:17 AM

John Powls wrote...

AV

Thanks for the clarification and the re-assurance.

I hope you're right.

Posted by: John Powls  | May 24, 2008 11:26 AM

Neil (Yarm) wrote...

Vic,

I too side with JP and hope you are right, as up to now I am not at all optimistic reading some of Southgate's early end of season quotes.

However it is early days, and it would be very Untypical Boro if they were to suddenly pull out a couple of transfer wonder signings before they know what season ticket (card) sales have netted.

I personally don't think Jones can hack it in the Prem, and he should have been released and Turnbull is a relatively unknown quantity.

I think the club thought Schwarzer would stay one more season and it's caught them out a bit. In which case they should have given him 2 years and sold him next season for a small return if they really did not intend to expend money on new keeper.

Either way, on both the goalie front and the known midfield needs we will just have to wait and see.

Posted by: Neil (Yarm)  | May 24, 2008 12:03 PM

London-based Boro fan wrote...

"**AV writes: The quotes were released by the club yesterday afternoon. They will have been an expanded version of the one liners that came out in the immediate aftermath of the Schwarz news breaking.

For my part I think it is inconceivable that Southgate intends to start the season with Jones in goal. He has never done anywhere enough to stake a claim as a number one.

Turnbull maybe has long term potential but for now is a bench-warmer and occasional early rounds of the League Cup kinda guy.

That means Boro MUST recruit. They will know that. The rest is man management and pre-emptive price talks."

Like John Powls, AV, I'm grateful for the clarification & I hope to God you're right! Otherwise Gate is in serious danger of spoiling what is shaping up to be a reasonably tight ship for the proverbial ha'p'orth of tar! :( I really can't believe he's that stupid...

* Rumour has it Gary Megson is preparing a £5m bid for Robbo...

Posted by: London-based Boro fan  | May 24, 2008 12:12 PM

'Ignorant' of boroland wrote...

The News that we look like we are keeping Riggot is great.
I like Southgate and want to stand behind what he says but this revelation about Riggot being left out coz Gate was not picking the team on form but reputation is not good.

I think we have bought before on reputation rather than form [ Mido and Huth] and that has landed us in the mire!

I understand in form players may not want to come to the Boro and sometimes we have to panic buy but I would like to see us getting players this summer who are uninjured and were in form at the end of last season.

As the squad is so small making a purchase on a player that will not be able to contribute immediatly is false economy as we need to start the season on the front foot.

I am probably sounding ungrateful and greedy again. Sorry Gibbo. That season tickrt DVD thingy has got me back on side folks.

up the BORO

Posted by: 'Ignorant' of boroland  | May 24, 2008 1:02 PM

James Murton wrote...

Its great that Hull city have come up. Now we have a real local derby instead of those jawdee plebs.

**AV writes: Hmm... *gets out map of Lincolnshire and the South to works out mileage*

Posted by: James Murton  | May 24, 2008 5:51 PM

lauren wrote...

I think Turnbull could be first choice next season. He has played ok in the few games he got this season.

AV When in august does next season start?

**AV writes: I think it is the 16th August but don't cancel weddings or anything on my say so.

Posted by: lauren  | May 24, 2008 5:55 PM

Richard wrote...

One for Skippy!

Mark Schwarzer: “G’day Mr Al Fayed!�

Muhammad Al Fayed: “Salaam Alaikim, Mark, my boy! So, you’ve arrived!�

MS: “Sure have, Mr Al Fayed. I’ve arrived! At Fulham! Yep, here I am…….arrived! Here, at Fulham. Yessirreee! I’ve arrived! Bonzer! Erm,……...Mr Al Fayed?

MAF: “Yes Mark, what is it?�

MS: “Erm, where exactly is Fulham?�

MAF: “Well, we’re still in the Premier League Mark…………..�

MS “No, no! I think you misunderstand Mr Al Fayed…………�

MAF: “Mark, my boy, you are wrong! I understand everything. I own one of the greatest iconic assets the capitol has to offer, Mark. An internationally recognised symbol of excellence. An establishment the brand of which is recognised and coveted the world over! That powerful men would do much to wrench from my ownership!

"Thousands of people come through our doors for the thrill of saying – I’ve been there! And we charge good money for offering them that undoubted privilege. Yes mark, I am proud to be the owner of………….� (takes a deep breath in preparation for uttering the hallowed name of……)

MS: “Fulham Football Club!! Yes, Mr Fayed! Yes! Bonzer! And I want to say how proud I am that you have chosen me to be the one to help you bring even greater glory to Fulham Football Club!!�

MAF: “………………..Harrods, Mark, Harrods!�

MS: “Oh! You own a corner shop as well? Wow!�

MAF: “Here! Let me show you something. Hold my case for a moment, please?�

The case falls to the ground.

MS: “Oops! Sorry, Mr Fayed! Silly old me! It’s a habit!�

MAF: “Hmm! See this map, Mark? It’s a map of London, Mark. Mark my words, Mark. Harrods and Fulham are London landmarks, Mark.

MS: “Really? Are they really?�

MAF: “Yes they are, Mark�

MS: “I’ve heard of London, Mr Al Fayed! I‘ve flown over it on my way to Australia to play for my national football team�

MAF: “Ah! Of course you have, Mark! However, in a few months, that’s not something you’ll have to worry about is it? The other Aussie goalkeeper, Jones is it? He’s still at Middlesbrough, is he not?�

MS: “Yes he is, but………..what do you mean Mr Al Fayed?�

MAF: “It doesn’t matter, Mark. Come with me!

MS: “Where are we going, Mr Al Fayed?�

MAF: “I’m taking you to the shop.�

MS: “To Harrods? Are we going to Harrods?�

MAF: “No Mark. We’re going to the club shop at Craven Cottage.�

MS: “What for, Mr Al Fayed?�

MAF: I want you to sign a copy of your book for me. And I want your help to translate it? It really is a great spy thriller. Full of intrigue, double meaning and mystery.�

MS: “Eh? It’s a childrens’ book! I wrote it for my kids really! You want me to translate it into Arabic?�

MAF: “No, Mark. English! Oh come now, Mark, We’re both men of the world! Neither of us is naïve, Mark! I know you must have connections to Rupert Murdoch and News Corporation. You’re Australian after all! And I can tell there’s much deeper meaning and sinister political intrigue behind the innocent façade of that book!�

MS: “ But……..but………..but……..�

MAF: “You know, Mark, you’re very good! You almost have me fooled! The goalkeeper gaffes you made from time to time at Middlesbrough don’t have me fooled either! I know you must have meant them! I know you’re the world’s greatest goalkeeper! I understand these things! But you are MY man now,………so?�

MS: “Oh, yes. Of course, Mr Al Fayed�

MAF: “Good, good, Mark. I feel we’re beginning to understand each other. Now…..this book and it’s real message – let’s start at the beginning shall we…?�

MS: “OK Mr Fayed. You’re the boss!
“Once upon a time………….�

Posted by: Richard  | May 24, 2008 6:57 PM

Richard wrote...

And a big "Hello" to our new sparring partners between the sticks!

Dressing Room at Rockcliffe:

Ross Turnbull: "So, the Gaffer's made it clear then brad!"

Brad Jones: "Yep! He sure has me old cobber! The decision's ours! Do you want the job?"

RT: Nah! Not really!. I might injure my hands and won't be able to play with my Wii..........."

BJ: "Your wee what?"

RT: "My Wii - my Nintendo Wii - my electronic games console!"

BJ: "Oh! For a moment there I thought you were a...........!"

RT: "What?? Another bloody Aussie goalkeeper?"

Posted by: Richard  | May 25, 2008 12:49 AM

'Ignorant' of boroland wrote...

Not quite as good as your superb ' little fabio' one Richard but still a decent read at 7am.

Good Morning.

Goodbye Avram Grant

Posted by: 'Ignorant' of boroland  | May 25, 2008 7:12 AM

Neil (Yarm) wrote...

Brilliant Richard, brilliant !!!

Brightened up my Sunday morning.

I don't know what profession you're in but you should be a comedy script writer.

On a more serious note, if Old Scissor Hands move to a Fulham is used as a pointer, does it show that good old Mark thinks that Fulham have more ambition than Boro? Or to what competion we can expect from the other also rans and relegation candidates for next season? Or just simply that Boro are "doing business" and are willing to let players that we may have wanted just walk away?

I'm not advocating that MFC should return to the bad old days of hanging on to players who are over the hill on extended contracts and paying through the nose for the privelige.

But if there was no money set aside to buy in a new keeper because MFC expected Schwarz to stay, then the net effects are that Boro either go into a season with two untried keepers and find out neither can hack it (one I am sure cannot) and/or MFC stump up £5mill for say Robinson with noney that may have been earmarked to beef up the mifield.

Either way Southgate is between a rock and a hard place, damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.

Posted by: Neil (Yarm)  | May 25, 2008 8:09 AM

Richard wrote...

Well, what else d'you do on a weekend when the season's finished??!!

GEORGE IN LIMBO

At nightly prayers -

George: “Hello! Are you there, God?�

God: “ Hi, George! Still no word from Gareth then?�

George: “Nope! Nothing yet Big Man. Any clues your end?�

God: “Come on George! You know better than to ask that! I can’t tell you – it would be unfair and I’m not allowed to bend the rules.�

George: “But I thought you made the rules, Big Man?�

God: “Yes, I do. But Rule #1 is ‘Don’t break the rules!’ And before you ask, Rule #2 is ‘Change the rules only to my advantage’.�

George:�OK, OK, I see! Tell you what God, ………you should be running the Premier League!�

God: “What makes you think I’m not, George?�

George: “Well, admittedly, I’ve heard people ask, ‘Who does Scudamore think he is.....God?’, but I thought it was a joke!�

God: “Many a true word, Georgie boy! Many a true word! Anyway, what can I do for you this evening my worthy and faithful servant?�

George: “I don’t suppose you could see your way to bending one of your rules for me could you? You see, my wife and kids are really settled here on Teesside and I quite fancy another couple of years at Boro. I haven’t actioned my agent to find me another club yet because I’m happy here – now that I’ve got rid of that Captain’s armband!�

God: “Agent?! Agent?! I’m pleased you’re not cavorting with the Devil, George! Satan takes on many guises, but few more insidious or downright evil than as a Football Agent!

George: “Only ever in extremis, Big man, honest! However, I can’t wait forever in this Limbo place! Why am I here anyway?�

God: “Well, you’ve not been entirely without sin in your life George (a privilege reserved for very few, me and Steve Gibson included – although Steve sails close to the wind with some managerial appointments and season ticket prices!), but on the other hand you’ve been a good and faithful servant to me and to Boro. So, I have to park you somewhere, until we see how things shape up.�

George: “Well, I could do with a bit of divine intervention, it seems to me. Nothing’s moving yet!�

God: “I’ve hardly been idle George! I got rid of Mendy and Rocky and I’ve planted some ideas in Gary O’Neil’s subconscious. I don’t see there’s much more I can do to weaken Boro’s midfield to the point where Gareth begs you to stay!�

George (sighs): “Oh well! Thanks anyway, Chief! I guess I’ll just have to bide my time.�

God: “Have patience! You’re a good and decent servant George Boateng!�

George: “Well, I try my best! Thanks for listening, Big Man!�

Subsequently, one Monday afternoon after training –

Gareth Southgate: “George, the Chief Executive an I have been chatting and we’ve decided to offer you a two year extension on your current contract.�

George: “That’s great, Gaffer! I was hoping you’d realise I can still make a big contribution to the team! Cheers Gaffer. I’ll be happy to stay! I’d better give my Agent the bad news, eh?�

Gareth: “Oh, somehow I think he’ll know already, George!�

That night at prayer time in George’s house –

George: “Hey, God! You there?�

God: “As always GB, as always!�

George: “I got it! I got it! And I’m over the moon!�

God: “Yep! You sure did, George! And being over the moon about it brings us that little bit closer!�

George: “Anything to do with you, Big Man?�

God: “Well, you know how it is George! Modesty forbids and all that!�

George: “You know, I had a blinding flash when I was in church on Sunday. I was kind of dreaming and suddenly I heard the priest say something about ‘Lamb of God’. At that instant I knew things would fall into place!�

God: “It truly was a triumph of good over evil that one George! Keith’s spirit has been so violated and contaminated in wheeling and dealing with Satan’s Acolytes – those Footballer’s Agents – that it took an effort of truly celestial proportions to shift his mindset and he now recognises your own star qualities! (And the small matter that he doesn’t have midfield cover probably had something to do with it!) However, I’m happy to say, Keith’s mine again for the time being.�

George: “I can’t thank you enough, Big Man! I knew you’d come through!�

God: “Faith, George. Faith! Just believe!�

George: “Oh I do! I do, Big Guy! In fact, I’m working on a new faith project even now, God!�

God: “Really? What’s that then my true and faithful servant?�

George (triumphantly!): “Boro to win the Premier League next season!�

God: “Don’t push your luck, George!�

Posted by: Richard  | May 25, 2008 10:08 PM

'Ignorant' of boroland wrote...

And on the 8th day Juninho created God !

Posted by: 'Ignorant' of boroland  | May 26, 2008 9:05 AM

Ian Gill wrote...

God was sat on his throne when in walked a bluff Scot.

God spoke ‘and who may you be?’

The Scot replied ‘I am .Bill Shankly’

God spoke again ‘come, you may sit at my left hand’

A short while later, a dapper blond man walked in.

God spoke ‘and who may you be?’

‘I am Booby Moore’ he replied.

God spoke again ‘come, you may sit at my right hand’

A long time later in strode a confident man.

God spoke ‘and who may you be?’

The man strode up to God and replied ‘sorry I’m late young man’

God stood up, pointed to his throne and said ‘Ah, its you Mr Clough, just been keeping your seat warm’

Richard

You brought a chortle out of me yesterday having driven up into the Derbyshire hills to go fishing only to have left my reel at home. Got back in time to see England’s batsmen do a fair impersonation of Boro against Cardiff.

Posted by: Ian Gill  | May 26, 2008 9:36 AM

John Powls wrote...

AV

I know it's BH Monday and the season has all but done in footy overall but isn't the Johnno piece - like the piece about goalkeeping - either a re-hash of stuff the Gazette has printed before or the club officially releasing stuff they've said in interviews previously?

Either way, it's pretty poor fare when you can remember the text of something new (allegedly) so distinctly because you only read it a few days before.

The danger of Gate and the club (and the Gazette) using the 'tactic' of saying we don't want a goalkeeper (when we really do, as you tried to re-assure me???) and warmed up leftovers is highlighted by a few of today's nationals who have picked it up and are pedalling it as gospel.

Unless they've been let in on the secret of the 'clever' ruse that Gate is running then Turnbull and Jones (at least) run the risk of being mightily ticked off.

There may be some others who might wonder whether they can believe a word Gate says too. His reputation for being a decent, honest guy is one of the few solid things he has going for him.

Posted by: John Powls  | May 26, 2008 11:27 AM

BoroPhil wrote...

ones/Turnbull without that actually being his plan - even if he hasn't totally ruled out the idea of signing a new keeper.

Whatever happens, this summer has to be a watershed for Brad Jones, if he doesn't get the nod then surely he will leave. He isn't a young lad anymore (25/26 even?), and he must have expected to take over from Schwarzer, so I can't see him playing number two anymore.

I have this horrible feeling we will see Brad in goal on the opening day.

As for the comments about Johnson - it sounds like he is either planning for O'Neil's departure or he will give him a shot in the middle.

Finally, I take his remarks about Riggott to mean that he should have dropped Woodgate, but he kept him in the team on reputation, with Riggott losing out.

He clearly made a conscious decision at Christmas to ditch this policy when he had the well publicised fallings out with Boateng and Woody. He might have got it wrong to begin with, but he deserves plenty of credit for recognising that and changing things.

Posted by: BoroPhil  | May 27, 2008 10:03 AM

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