ANOTHER UEFA Cup night comes with a little sting and a lot of envy - and a rueful glance back at two massive games where we just didn't turn up, two games that could have made concrete our position as a rising power and prevented this season's slide into back-biting and despair: Sevilla in Eindhoven and West Ham at Villa Park.
Nothing more underlines Boro's current water-treading than reading through the TV listings for a night when we could so easily be pumping ourselves up for another glamour clash against an exotic Eastern outfit with a name synonomous with a Stalinist secret police, or ready to face a famous Euro-giant on an equal footing. Tonight Partizan, Grasshoppers, Sevilla and Basel - all teams we have played - are in UEFA Cup group action and it still hurts that we are not .
A year ago tomorrow Boro were fighting out a goalless draw in a monsoon at AZ Alkmaar, a result that put them in the driving seat in the group. The team - including Brad Jones, Riggott, Ugo, Bates, Doriva, Nemeth and Hasselbaink - put in a gritty display and rode their luck after a good Dutch goal was disallowed for offside to hold on for an impressive result.
That night Boro fan Brendan O'Connor was stabbed by a drug dealer in an Amsterdam alley to cast a dark shadow over the result and the dark side of the European adventure started to kick in. Later equally innocent Boro fans were viciously attacked and stabbed in Rome.
For all the hardships - the aggro, the logistical headaches, the punishing costs involved in following the team across Europe - it was a watershed period in Boro history as the club came of age and started to carve out a reputation with wins over Lazio, Stuttgart, Rome, Basel and Steaua. It feels like that spectacular growth has been stunted. And it still hurts.
Not so much Eindhoven. Boro were stuffed by a polished side who wanted it more and were driven on by an incredible unity of team and crowd that left us overawed. I believe part of this season's malaise is a hangover from that. There was never a chance to come to terms with it properly, savour the success in getting there or celebrate its significance before we were onto to the saga of the managerial succession. I know I haven't even watched the DVD yet.
But West Ham was far more damaging. The season started to unravel that day as the European adventure and fixture pile-up started to take its toll. The game was just three days after the UEFA Cup trip to Steaua Bucharest. A lot of serial semi-final supporters had barely a days rest between their expeditions. We were tired, jaded, hoarse and broke.
The players must have felt just as drained. Despite that Boro had the best of the play but could not take advantage only to suffer late on at the hands of Marlon Bloody Harewood. There was an air of inevitability about it all and a resignation among the supporters but again, there was no time for regrets or recriminations because the second leg of Steaua was still to come. There was a big cards display to plan.
But that West Ham defeat was of huge significance. Victory would have ensured Boro were in the UEFA Cup for a third successive season even if we lost our 100% record at Cardiff in the final. Even being lucky losers would have cemented us as Euro regulars, made it easier to attract players, maybe altered the recruitment specifications for the new boss, certainly kept the forward momentum among the mentality of the bulk of the fans. That was a watershed. Had we beat West Ham the pressure would have been off against Sevilla. We could have all relaxed.
We would have all been in Bucharest again for the game against Dinamo now. I'm gutted.
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