BEWARE: Fate tempting in progress.
Incredibly, Boro appear to have agreed with Cleveland Police that when mighty Boro lift the UEFA Cup in Eindhoven on Wednesday night our conquering heroes will stage a victory parade on Thursday. This is sheer madness.
A Thursday parade appears to be a plan drawn up without any consideration whatsoever for the hundred thousand plus diehard Boro supporters who would surely want to attend if only they could get there.
First and foremost Thursday is a working day. Teessiders may be nursing hang-overs and smiles as wide as the Transporter but unless Tony Blair calls a snap public holiday to mark the historic occasion they will still have to clock in at shops, offices and factories. Not everyone has an employer so understanding that they will let the workforce down tools to go swanning off to become hysterical over an open top bus.
And while it may be practical to hammer the flexitime and nip out for an hour or so if you work on Linthorpe Road it won't be so easy if you earn your living in Stockton, Billingham, Redcar or beyond. Closing Linthorpe Road will cause traffic mayhem bringing industry and commerce to a halt. Public transport won't cope with the volume of red cald would-be party people and the roads will be gridlocked and those from Teesside's hinterland will have to dump there cars willy-nilly on the approach roads to the town. It will be like a scene from a disaster movie.
Then there are the fresh faced kiddies desperate to be there, the naive young supporters who as Boro fans have peaked far too early and are now spoilt beyond belief. We are told there will be 300 bobbies and street wardens there. They will need twice that number of truant officers to cope with the mass playground desertions that will sweep Teesside. There will be more school jumpers than Boro tops on display and even the very best schools will take a kicking in the league tables when the absentee figures filter through next year.
A Thursday parade won't be great timing for the team either. If they win on Wednesday I would expect - nay demand! - that they would still be completely and utterly bladdered by the time this intended petty bureaucrat's exercise in stupidity takes place. The should be given time to celebrate at their leisure as a team. And sober up. It would be folly to allow them on an open top bus so soon after leaving party central in Eindhoven. We don't want an expensive footballer falling over the side after becoming disorientated by all that waving do we? And we certainly don't want anyone to drop the bloody cup.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, a good portion of the most dedicated fans will still be in Holland. The Red Army are scattered across the Low Countries and Northern Germany on Wednesday night - if they make it back to their various barracks - and will be limping back during the day to Stanstead, Liverpool, Glasgow, East Midlands and a dozen other airports as well as Teesside throughout the day. Many will still be in the air as the bus sets off and will be denied the chance to complete their fantastic adventure with a triumphant homecoming.
The only possible explanation is that someone somewhere is trying to even things up: having lost out to the S and T prefix Red Book alphabet elite for precious final tickets it has been arranged to guarantee B, C, D,through to H patrons and all the White Books get first crack at the victory parade. Providing they have sent in the right voucher.
A parade that many are denied the chance to see would be a bum note to finish a symphonic season with. But it is not to late to stop this madness. Thursday is ridiculous and must be scrapped immediately. Any parade must be on Saturday or Sunday. Minimum disruption, maximum participation. You know it makes sense.
*Boro fans on the lively Fly Me To The Moon internet forum have got an on-line petition underway. Since being posted up late on Friday night it has clocked up over 650 signatures, making it a bigger sample group that MORO and You Gov use to shape pubklic opinion on the great issues of the day.
You can sign the petition here.
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