GUTTED - but proud. It was devastating to see Boro freeze and be so comprehensively beaten on such an important occasion but it was fantastic to be there to witness a team that climbed back out of the coffin 20 years ago celebrate their ressurection by playing in a European final.
On the whistle I was numb (not as numb as I was laid on the grass outside Eindhoven train station at four in the morning but that's another story). Boro had woefully under performed, some big name players didn't turn up, the team could not cope with a brilliant Sevilla side and the gung-ho four up front trick did not work against an astute outfit who had prepared for it. It was a game too far for Boro and Sevilla deserved to win.
But, and it is a big but, Boro have been in the UEFA Cup final and no-one can take that away from us.
A lot of Boro fans are flat as day old lager right now and that is understandable. After the storming second half blitzkeigs that brought dramatic last gasp wins over Basel and Steaua, victory in Eindhoven seemed fated. We went into the final with confidence and expectations high so the teeth kicking return of 'typical Boro' really hurt.
Defeat has also dumped Boro at a crossroads. With the manager and probably some key players heading through the exit door Boro now face a period of rebuilding and, without Europe as a carrot to offer, recruitment could prove tricky.
But as a crossroads it is not even in the same league as 1981 and the defeat at Wolves that sparked a frantic and corrosive sales frenzy. Nor the crossroads of 1986 where three paths led to extinction and one that remained was scattered with potentially fatal obstacles. Nor even the post-Robbo crossroads of 2001 when an unbalanced ageing team was in desperate need of an overhaul and a relegation battle loomed.
In contrast Boro are now at a crossroads as a very attractive prospect. They have a respectable - and at times spectacular - two years in Europe behind them, a trophy in the cabinet within the memory span of a tabloid editor and have a good squad with excellent local talent coming through plus a top notch infrastructure and probably the best chairman in the game, one with an unsurpassed reputation for integrity, loyalty and unstinting support for his boss.
In truth, this is the best position Boro have ever been in. Losing in the UEFA Cup final may sting like hell right now but it must still be marked down as a success, a glorious one at that.
Eindhoven was a milestone on a 20 year journey from oblivion and into to the record books. In the dramatic two decades since liquidation Teesside talismanic Steve Gibson has doggedly set about making his vision a reality and every year, every manager has pushed the bar higher as the club have been dragged from a barren century of underachievement and pushed to the very cusp of a big breakthrough.
Within four years of liquidation Boro were in their first Wembley final, and yes, it was an obscure competition and we lost but it was a landmark debut proudly celebrated. Seven years later came the significant first major trophy at Wembley, the first goal there and a month later the long awaited first FA Cup final. A year later there was another trip to the Twin Towers and a quickfire return to the Premiership .
In 2004 came the first major silverware success at Cardiff then in quick succession the European debut and the first qualification for Europe through the league. And even this season in which we have seen trauma, season ticket chucking and a dangerous flirtation with the drop, Boro have reached the last eight of the League Cup, the semi-final of the FA Cup and the UEFA Cup final. Even with an empty-handed finish it is still one of the best seasons in our our history by any objective system of measurement you choose.
When the sour taste of defeat in Eindhoven fades we can look back on this campaign with great pride. It is a new highwater mark for a club still very much on the up. Losing in the UEFA Cup final is a great leap forward.
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