The Traveller Returns
RIGHT. I'm back after a week incommunicado. I was in Roma and this time I wasn't chased by Ultras or threatened by stick wielding Carabinieri. I was going to take the lappy but at the last minute I traded the baggage weight for the gold-dust of the Englishman abroad with kids... a couple of tins of beans. What have I missed?
Quickly touched base with the Gazette nerve centre and been told Gary Hooper looks to have opted for Leeds and former Tory right winger turned play-maker Leon Britton has joined Sheffield United. So, being pipped to top targets by bigger clubs... it is the fate of the middling Championship club not prepared to play over the top.
So, what's been going on? Not the headlines. I'll flick through the back pages when I'm back in the office. What about nuance, rumour, conspiracy and Boronoia?
Older/Newer
26 Comments
Leave a comment
Profile
Anthony Vickers
Latest Football League video
Keep up to date
Follow Untypical Boro on
I canâÂÂt help AV I have been launched onto Planet World Cup where my passion is Ingerlund. Nothing else matters not even food, air and beer. ItâÂÂs so brilliant. Why do we have to wait every four years!
If only there was a professional football outfit near where I lived so I could pretend to be one of those well known pundits, Clarence Seedorf, Patrick Viera, Gareth Southgate, Edgar Davids, Robbie Earl and the King Kev. They have taught me much.
Just to fill you in Ingerlund opened up their campaign with a gusty draw with the Auld Enemy. Makeshift, 3rd choice captain Stephen Gerrado opened the scoring after a deft touch from Emile Rooney after only, barley minutes.
Then Ingerlunds Master taciturn tactician decided that his players like himself were Italian and could sit back and comfortably retain possession and win the game one score to zero.
Sadly this was not the case.
A rocket of a shot from Clinton Dempsey scorched the palms of the ingerlund post guarder to tie the game at one run each.
Would Gerrado sit back if Roland Rat (Frank Lampoon) went forward and vice versa? NO. Would Ingerlund pick a left foot midfield to play left midfield? NO. Would Wayne Heskey be able to score? No. Would Peter Bonetti make a catastrophic error? Yes.
Was it frustrating? Square pegged players? Missed chances? Daft Goals given away? Yes, yes, yes, yeeeeeeesssssssssss!!
It was as if being a Boro fan builds you up âÂÂLa Manga styleâ to watch ingerlund.
Boring. IâÂÂve seen it all before. Best part of the world cup so far. Smog Jnr walking in the Supermarket raises right hand and shouts OFF SIDE!! It startled the old lady by the beans but she was well ahead of the tinned soup before the trolley was stopped.
On safari after the USA game and with access to the ear of a certain ex-FA bigwig. Anyone got any questions for him?
Baked beans! What is wrong with buying some Borlotti beans and eating with a drizzle of olive oil, pepper and a sprig or two of basil? Maybe even a fresh tomato sauce?
You havent missed much, we get just six mentions for June in Skysports Transfer Centre.
Did you get back in time for the USA match? It is a shame you were not in Rome for the Italy match. I was in Sorrento for the 1982 World Cup in Spain and it was a great experience.
The restaurant in the hotel operated around the football matches. In that tournament there was a second phase of group matches. Italy were in a group with Argentina and Brazil. They defeated Argentina 3-1 and there were celebrations but when they beat Brazil in the second set of group matches it was fireworks and car horns all night.
**AV writes: I saw the England game in a multi-national crowd (including a smattering of Yanks) which was interesting. Guess which national group were the loudest, drunkest, most boorish and least tactically informed.
............was the pope in?
**AV writes: He was. And he was taunting all the Geordies who had gone to Rome specifically to see him.
"**AV writes: I saw the England game in a multi-national crowd (including a smattering of Yanks) which was interesting. Guess which national group were the loudest, drunkest, most boorish and least tactically informed."
The Jocks!! No wait the North Koreans.
AV
If they were also Arsenal supporters they couldnt possibly be England fans. Possibly Senegal or France or Spain or Denmark or Holland.
Give us a clue.
Smogonthetyne now in Nunthorpe:
I think he meant the English, Jimmy!
Get that stitched!
AV, do you think GS2 has turned his attention from Scunny's Hooper to Rangers' Boyd? Anyway I am excited if it is so.
SG said Boro were not interested in L Britton. It makes sense as he signed for Sheff Utd - we should be able to match their offer. So I hope some much better players to be signed. Thompson from Rangers?
Up the Boro!
Welcome back. I've missed you. Now get back writing on that twitter site...(smileythingy)
A new comedian has been grabbing the local headlines in your absence, AV; look out for him, he's a hoot and I, for one, have not stopped laughing since! The name to look out for? Keith lamb.
Welcome back AV. How's the tan ?
Did you take vour Vuvuzela along to watch the game with that multinational jet setting crowd you now mix with ?
Oddly it is Italy tonight and I caught a bit early in the first half with Jonathon Pearce 'commentating'. Apparently there were question marks over Gilardino because he had only scored 16 goals in 41 games.
Maybe they should check if Emile heskey has any Italian granny. Why dont we get Lambie to check all our 'strikers'. It would be an improvement if we got 16 from all of strikers combined in a full league season.
And talking of a load of balls I heard a report from German fans about the new Adidas world cup ball. They were playing with it all last season in the Bundesliga. It caused problems for the goalkeepers early on until they adapted.
Nothing remarkable in that until you realise that German players have been using the ball for twelve months. Where are Adidas based? Which national team started with a four goal romp?
I am not saying there is anything untoward in one team getting twelve months practice with a ball and the rest getting it just before a tournament. Nor does Schumacher have a history of cheating or Klinsmann of diving.
The Jabulani ball was actually developed in England at Loughborough University...so no excuses for not knowing about it!
Careful Ian! Your xenophobia's peeking through the curtains again............. Jimmy!
Welcome back.
Civis Romanus sum.
**AV writes: Grazi mille Dormus Eternitus. Salve!
Ian
Tut, tut! You'll be claiming that Spain and Russia were thinking of bribing referees next......
from scottish press today:
GORDON Strachan hired a horribly injured Afghanistan veteran to put his underachieving Middlesbrough stars through hell in La Manga - and remind them just how lucky they are to live the privileged life of football stars.
The former Celtic boss enlisted ex-Royal Marine Mark Ormrod, who lost both legs and an arm after standing on a Taliban landmine on Christmas Eve three years ago, and three other Marines to drill his squad mentally and physically under the searing Spanish heat before allowing them to go on holiday.
Ormrod, now a motivational speaker and author, spoke of his Afghan ordeal and his successful fight to walk again before his wedding. The 25-year-old is now planning a sponsored walk in the USA this year.
Strachan believes his squad took on board every word they heard from the military hero.
He said: "It was just incredible courage. I didn't know how the boys would react but they sat taking every word he said to heart."
They also reacted brilliantly to being flogged by three Marines whose mission was to make sure Middlesbrough are fitter than they were last term when they failed to make the play-offs.
This time it's Premiership or bust and if they don't make it they won't be using lack of fitness as an excuse.
Strachan said: "You can't have nine weeks' holiday. We are not paying nine weeks' wages for a holiday. All we were saying is come back for a week.
"I don't know how the players reacted when they learned we were coming here.
"I put it up on the noticeboard. It wasn't meant to be a signal of our intent.
"Everybody in the group has been terrific. The way they trained with the Marines took my breath away. The leaders of the three groups the players were in were so good that they dragged everybody along.
"The Marines didn't scream at them that they were overpaid this and that. They just cajoled them along.
"I watched Barry Robson run by me on the steps to go back into the water to pick up Stephen McManus to pull him out and he said, 'This is brilliant'. That's typical Robbo.
"We have worked the players hard but they've hardly slummed it. They could play golf or tennis or go to the pool for the five hours between the two sessions we have done.
"We will have three weeks off and then they will have a fitness programme. As a player I would have two weeks break and then I would run by myself every second day. It's nothing you shouldn't be able to do.
"I still have the times of players at Aberdeen under Alex Ferguson in 1982. Those times would still be acceptable to the modern-day footballer. It's what Alex did at Aberdeen. No one could outrun us. We knew that.
"It's a massive season coming up for us and we have to be ready. I trained them hard at Celtic and Southampton and they moaned and groaned.
"After a year they realised it was part of their weaponry.
"The fitter you get the more mentally strong you get. I'm looking at an opponent and thinking we are fitter than you so you're in for a really hard 90 minutes.
"It's not just to make them run, though - it's so we don't get tired in games, so we don't make bad decisions, so we don't concede bad goals late on."
AV
In the absence of anything Boro to debate or football from England it is always good to set a hare running, a sort of curve ball so to speak.
My son and I were discussing exactly the same points though early evidence of my own eyes suggested that longer passes had to be played with some care or the ball flew over players heads. If it results in better football then it would not be a bad thing.
The ball is only one factor amongst many that determines the quality not least being individual skill. The weather, pitches, stadia, altitude and the incessant din all play their part.
The latter made me wonder if every season card holder gets a Vuvuzela to help create an atmosphere. In its own right that could create a problem as red card holders would want a bigger vuvuzela than other card holders. And what about Boro Pride card holders like myself.?
Will they be on sale at the club shop for walk up fans? Would the stewards be under instructions to stop people blowing them and only have the din from the state controlled tannoys?
God its boring, at least cricket against the Aussies starts soon. Oops! shuts down computer before trace starts.
**AV writes: As if the Riverside needed something that creates an incessant whining noise in the background...
Welcome back AV!
Note you mention being "pipped" for signings! This worrying trend has been around a for a number of seasons now and doesn't seem to be being addressed by the club.
Are we to see another close season where we end up with the players nobody else wants, rather than the players we need or the manager wants to build a team to push for promotion??
Lets hope we can start to buck this trend and by the day the season kicks off GS2 has a team we can all get behind as they shoot to the top of the table and stay there for the rest of the season!!!!
AV - is the rumour about only selling 8,000 season tickets right?
I think Ian Gill could be onto something here. But instead of a free Vuvuzela with an SC how about an inflatable Uwe Seeler. That would at least bring the attendances up to sixteen thousand, with every card carrying fan sat next to their very own Uwe.
Would it be beneficial for the club to close certain parts of the ground to try and keep the fans close together to try and generate an atmosphere? If we are looking at the horrific prospect of 12,000 in the ground it will look, sound and feel ridiculous. The need for a good start is imperative on many different levels.
PS GibboâÂÂs stance that we never discussed terms with Britton and there was some lazy journoâÂÂs out there, was he pointing the finger in a specific direction?
**AV writes: Vuvuzuela? Uwe Seller? Graham Taylor? Eric Paylor? Talking of which, I found the Gibson website blast at un-named hacks a bit strange. Not least because the club don't usually comment on "mere speculation"... hmmmm.
A.V please dont leave it so long next time! There's so little going on i've even started reading the "remember when" column!
Loved the thingy about the Pope. Just imagine him on his balcony with Boro scarf round his wrist giving a few Vs to the Geordies LOL.
Now please get down crockliffe and find out whats going on
I think the English and German first performances had less to do with the ball and more to do with:
1) Our opponents. Australia have looked woeful recently. The US is an athletic, well-organized side
2) Team selection. Joachim Leow opted for a nice mixture of youth and experience. Capello opted for pretty much the same ingredients that have seen us choke in previous touranments. I am baffled at the decision to take King and Carragher. Dawson should have been rewarded for a great season with Spurs, and the left-sided midfielder issue is a sad one. I would opt for Wright-Philips (wince), simply because he has pace...also crouch needs to start with Rooney.
3) Sea level...we're apparently struggling to adjust to the higher altitude while Germany played their game at sea level.
As for Boro, it seems like a worringly familiar summer. A new transfer target every four or five days...then nothing...then we hear he has signed for someone else. I am praying that Strachan and Lamb can pull a few rabbits out of the proverbial hat. Also, AV, please don't go away anytime soon. This blog has become like a child's protective blanket for me...I was lost without it ;)
Neil (USA) -
You can also throw in the fact the team as selected did not have someone to control the football and act as a fulcrum in midfield, someone comfortable in possession and sparking moves.
There are some in the premier league but they are nearly all foreign. Just compare Gerrard over the last two seasons. With Alonso at Liverpool and Torres up front Gerrard was able to drive on to the edge of the box and pick up lots of chances through balls laid off or defensive clearances. Without Alonso (and Torres injuries) he had an indifferent season.
Gerrard is typical of a lot of our players, good at high tempo attacking but when trying to unpick defence do not have the patience or skill to get past the best teams.
Smog -
An inflatable Uwe Seeler would be the best signing of the window but we will need him to play up front.
AV -
As our adopted team take the pitch tonight, have you got any songs or chants we can use. I dont believe you were in Rome but at North Korea's training 'gym' so spill the beans.
**AV writes: New blog on the heroic struggle to take the war to the lackies of FIFA/US imperialist warmongers just being blue pencilled by the commissar for truth as we speak.
Welcome Back AV!!!
Nuance - feeling - zeitgeist.
No good mate - Charlie Amer is back in charge.
Being the child that I am, and not to mention boorish (see post 5) I do find great pleasure in funny names. So far this world cup has given us:
Cameroon'S Gaetan Bong and Guy Ndy
Chile'S Waldo Ponce
Germany'S Toni Kroos
Honduras Georgie Welcome
Ivory Coast us a big, Boubacar Barry
Nigeria's Dele Adeleye
N Korea's Kim Kyong
And the hosts provide 3 names o would love to see on the back of a Boro shirt. S Africa MacBeth Sibaya, Siphiwie Tshabalala, Surprise Moriri
p.s. Snow Is forecast for Cape Town on Friday night. Good luck Mr Green!
**AV writes: There are not enough MacBeth's in the game, that's for sure.
I can't believe I'm writing this after last seasons shambles but I've finally got with the (new) program. We will win the title but obviously make hard work of it at times. Ruthless and efficient away from home and flat track bullies at home.
Need to stop now the nurse is here with my medication.