It's All About Image
JUST A QUICKIE before I go and scrawl "none of the above" on my ballot paper (my cheeky request last time to continue my essay on the fundamental democratic deficit inherent in our antiquated system on a separate sheet was declined)....
Here's the "word cloud" generated by your collective lists of accusing adjectives and damning descriptions summing up the season. Very pretty...
I am legally obliged to say it was generated by wordle.net. I heartily recommend it as a good way to waste some time at work. And you can download your images in a workable format for free too so it is great for t-shirts, mugs and coasters etc.
The image is generated by giving more weight and size to the words and phrases that are repeated most often. Boring. Southgate. Strachan. Draws. That pretty much sums up an instantly forgettable season for me. The only real moment of joy was the unfurling of the Trophy Virgins banner and the Geordie whale floundering in the keep net.
I'm doing another wordle for Monday's paper culled from the one paragraph 'verdict' section of the Gazette match report. The words are less emotive but more damning for their official and objective nature. There's a lot of "awful" and "dismal" in the mix.
Meanwhile, sticking with visuals and informational graphics, here's an image culled from the results of the Big Boro Survey carried in the Gazette on Tuesday. A lot of the results were straight-forward and as expected (Robbo has been a hit, Lee Gook Miller hasn't; Boro were right to sell Jonno; Boro should try to keep McManus) but this interesting section invited respondants to comment on various areas of Strachan's activities so far.
"Average" wins in every category bar a narrow win for good on "new signings" so it shows the Riverside jury is still out on the new gaffer but the most telling stats - and the ones that contain the germ of future political problems - are the votes on his performance in tactics so far. Only 11.8% said "good" with 54 going for "average" and a ticking time bomb of over a third of a decent sample (400 plus) saying "bad."
That must be a worry. It means there will be very little leeway if we dont get off to a flying start with a sizeable majority already adopting a conscious position of opposition to the methodology of the Strachanovite revolution.
And there are other potential sticks to beat the boss with if things go wrong too. Only 16.5% think he has a good rapport with the fans and just over a quarter like his after match comments. As the latter factor has been a key battleground when things turned sour for the previous two managers - "magnificent" and "lessons learned" became hostile mantras of derision - they are also early markers of possible future dissent.
The only way to head off those undercurrents and win the voters to a more assertive and positive endorsement of the new regime will be to win games. A couple of good early wins next season - at home especially - could swing the figures markedly the right way. A sticky start and the dye will be cast for another season of sniping.
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If you get sight of the piece by Strachs on the MFC website you'll find the word that links the two sections of the blog above - BORING.
That's Strachans admission about too much of Boro's football in the time he has been here. 'Plodding' is another term used and he says that he hasn't enjoyed watching much of it and doesn't expect many fans will have either. He's right there.
The interesting bit is that he doesn't seem to accept that that's anything to do with him. That may well help to explain, though, why people filled in the Big Boro Survey the way they did. Strachs may well have filled it in the same way!
Full marks for honesty, then, if not for shouldering the responsibility.
He does also say he's going to change it for next season. So - as you say, AV - the first few games will be telling.
AV, good piece albeit a short one. My vote was cast and posted - I agree with the none of the above option. What would happen if 'none of the above' won - another election next month?
Anyway, I remember answering the questions on the poll of Strachan so far and I may have put bad in every category bar new signings (average) as I had it:
Robson - good
Flood - average
Miller - bad (Loan signings by the way needed an awful option - as most were)
I will be waiting for the season to start before casting too many aspersions, like tonight I might just turn on at 9.50pm to see who has won.
What is the percentage swing in favour of Gordon Strachan required to give him an overall majority of support in the West Stand Upper?
Accepting that is a Tory heartland, will the swing be matched in the bank of radical activists in the North Stand and in the South East corner? We will need strong leadership, not a "hung" ship, if we are seriously to challenge for promotion next season.
**AV writes: Yes, we have had enough of minority administrations that can't claim a mandate..
Interesting how small Steve Gibson's name features in that montage. Velly intellesting.
Wolves could launch a ã1m bid for Dundee United striker David Goodwillie. (the Sun)
Come on Gordon, get your finger out!
AV, how about a "wordle" for suggested transfer targets on here?
GHw
Yup - and he could double up Goodwillie with winger Craig Conway too.
Lee Wallace from Hearts seems to be one potential answer to Smogonthetyne's question about left backs of yesterday.
Let's hope that the good potential South of Hadrian's Wall doesn't get missed in all of this.
It all seems to have gone quiet on the McAllister/Blyth/Clarke front again. Presumably, it would make sense to have them available before 'The Man of La Manga' physical trials.
A longer post on matters transfer seems to have slipped between the electronic cracks yesterday and I shan't repeat it all - but, now that Halliday has signed, it does just bear a reminder that, however promising he may be, he's just eighteen and been plying his trade in the Scottish Third Division and in a side dominating the rest.
Whilst we all hope he's not a 'project', he's surely more 'one for to be developed for the future' than someone to put too much burden of expectation on straight away and for too many starts, too quickly.
Unfortunately AV, I think you've hit the nail on the head with the one single word that sums it all up.
AVERAGE
Average Team
Average Players
Average Support
Average Manager
Average ticket costs too much
Average Coaches
I think the only thing that isn't average around here is this blog (oh and the players wages!). You managed to keep us entertained throughout this average campaign! I hope your own salary is a little more than average ;-)
GS, on Andy Halliday...
âÂÂHeâÂÂs hungry, heâÂÂs 18 and heâÂÂs cost us sweeties. Hopefully, he can be another player to emerge from Livi and go on to do well,â said Strachan.
Can I offer MFC half a tin of Quality Street, a packet of Jelly Babies and 2 ounces of Dolly Mixtures to go to their Transfer War Chest?
(I just need to find an excuse for the Bairns, when they discover that their sweet ration has gone to a deserving cause)
Reaching into my bag of Sweeties analogies..
Jones Marshmallow Hands
Hoyte Rasberry Ruffle
Pogatetz NutallâÂÂs Minto
Wheater Peppermint Humbug
McMahon Walnut Whirl
Robbocop Glacier Fruit
OâÂÂNeil Opal Fruit
Arca Sherbert Fountain
Halliday Fizz Bomb
McDonald Pineapple Chunk
Killen Soft Fruit Centre
Manager G Strachan Midget Gem
**AV writes: It's a shame Jeremie Aliadiere (peanut brittle) has left. He'd fit into this team
(Finally, no longer posting as "Si"!)
Here's a word that I failed to send you in time Vic:
"Inglourious."
It sums up our season in a nutshell. No glory to be taken from it, the word is misspelt, in a mess, just like our squad. Most significantly though, like the central characters in the Tarantino film, we had no plan B and the whole season went up in smoke in the end!
**AV writes: There's a word that goes with that one that I have used a few times this season.
AV
After your comment on the last blog about the PFA players of the season, I thought I would look at the previous two seasons to see if the selected players would have been worth a punt.
2009 Championship Team
GK Keiren Westwood
DF Kyle Naughton
DF Roger Johnson
DF Daniel Fox
DF Richard Stearman
MF Michael Kightly
MF Stephen Hunt
MF Joe Ledley
MF Jordi Gómez
FW Sylvan Ebanks-Blake
FW Jason Scotland
2008 Championship Team
GK Wayne Hennessey
DF Bradley Orr
DF Ryan Shawcross
DF Danny Shittu
DF Paul Robinson
MF Brian Howard
MF Marvin Elliott
MF Liam Lawrence
MF Jonathan Greening
FW Ricardo Fuller
FW Kevin Phillips
Quite a few good players on both lists, maybe GS should be looking at the possibility of signing proven championship players before his forays to Scotland.
C'Mon Boro!
GHW's Full Metal Jacket got me thinking and I can't help thinking about Gordon Strachan's character and the sergeant major off it ain't half hot mum.
Platitudes to Wikipedia and apologies to those who aren't old enough to remember a british classic, but I found this list of characters and I have substituted the actors name with the counterpart from Middlesbrough FC.
Comments on a postcard please.
Characters
Commanding Officers
Lieutenant-Colonel Charles Reynolds - (GIBBO):
Colonel Reynolds is the leader of the concert party and enjoys their shows immensely. He thinks army life in India is very hard, while all he does is sit around sipping pink gin and dining with the elite. He is having an affair with Daphne Waddilove-Evans, whose husband, Major Waddilove-Evans, has left for the Punjab. He is the stereotypical British Army Officer, very stiff upper lip and prim and proper.
Captain Ashwood's utter stupidity does occasionally infuriate him, but he is effectively good-natured and tries to avoid leaving the easy life he has at any cost.
Captain Jonathan Tarquin Ashwood (THE COUNT):
Captain Ashwood is an even bigger fan of the concert party than Colonel Reynolds, especially when they dress up as girls. He is not very bright, and often unknowingly ruins other people's plans, especially the Sergeant Major's. He occasionally writes skits for the concert party, which they reluctantly accept, as they are, on the whole, absolutely awful. He has absolutely no military bearing in him, which makes it very easy for the Sergeant Major and the others to manipulate him into using his authority to achieve their own ends.
Battery Sergeant Major Tudor Brynne 'Shut Up' Williams (WEE GORDON):
The Sergeant Major is the only real, professional soldier among the concert party and its officers. He is somewhat bigoted in his views, making every effort to bully the Indian camp staff and remind everyone of British supremacy in India. He seems to have only one goal in life, namely to get his soldiers posted up the jungle as fast as he can. He is disgusted by the fact that his soldiers prance about on the stage wearing dresses and make-up all the time, and frequently calls them a "bunch of poofs". He dislikes all members of the concert party equally, apart from Parkins, who he believes to be his son. He has a particular loathing for Gunner "Lah-De-Dah" Graham, owing to his university education, although Williams will praise Graham for it if it serves his purposes.
The Concert Party:
Bombardier 'Solly' Solomons (GARETH): 'Solly' is a Jewish showbiz man who always plays the male leads in the concert party's shows and is also the party's producer. He is a very intelligent individual and often has some sort of devious plot to avoid being posted or getting one over on the Sergeant Major. He left at the end of Series 2 when he was demobbed back to Britain.
Gunner/Bombardier 'Gloria' Beaumont (JEZZA THE FRENCHY):
'Gloria' Beaumont is a very effeminate person who cannot handle the violence, heat and mosquitoes of army life in India too well. He considers himself an artiste, and doesn't believe he should be in the Army, often trying to emphasize his show-business angle and ignore the "soldier" parts of his job. He has a passion for show business and always dresses up as famous film stars during the concert party shows, especially as Ginger Rogers. He later succeeded Bombardier Solomon's rank when George Layton left the series.
Gunner 'Lofty' Harold Sugden (JULIO ARCA):
'Lofty' is a soldier whose appearance can be summarized by means of quoting the Sergeant Major: "Is it a mushroom? No. Is it a soldier? No. It's Gunner Sugden." Lofty is the tiny, rotund lead singer of the concert party usually seen in an old-fashioned pith helmet, and has an amazing tenor voice which even the Sergeant Major cannot resist when he sings. Unfortunately, he is always picked out by the Sergeant Major as a "volunteer" when there is a particularly nasty or dangerous task to be carried out.
Gunner 'Parky' Nigel Parkins (WILLO FLOOD):
'Parky' is the youngest member of the concert party and has tried everything to become part of them, including being a ventriloquist, comedian, and singer, although he is very clumsy and never does anything right. The Sergeant Major has reason to believe that Parkins is his son, which is why he treats him much better than he treats the others, and keeps telling him he has "a fine pair of shoulders", and becomes very selective about Parkins' achievement - praising him when he does something right and ignoring when Parkins makes huge blunders. An example of such a situation comes when Parkins is appointed as Battery clerk - since he has no exploitable talent for the concert party - and, having misunderstood an order from the Sergeant-Major, proceeds to have the Officer's Mess demolished. (Sergeant - Major Williams had told him to "remove the mess by the Officer's lines", referring to a pile of old beds that were to be discarded.) Parkins references the show's title in the first ever episode when he signs off a letter to his mother with the words "I've been in India now two days, and it ain't half hot, Mum."
Gunner 'Paderewski' Jonathan Graham (STEVE AGNEW):
Gunner Graham is the concert party's pianist. His appearance - bald and bespectacled - marks him out as a stereotypical boffin. He has a university degree in English literature and is very smart, speaking with a very upper class accent, which is why the Sergeant Major always mockingly repeats what he says. Graham often has difficult and ingenious plans to solve the concert party's problems, but these plans never seem to work and often result in his saying "oh well, bang goes that theory". The others (even the Sergeant Major and the Officers) often rely on his intelligence to get them out of awkward situations.
Gunner 'Atlas' Mackintosh (MICK MCMANUS):
'Atlas' Mackintosh does the strong man act in the show, which involves tearing telephone directories in half. He is rather short-tempered, especially when Beaumont calls him a "great, big, butch, hairy haggis". He is very masculine, and is a bit of a contradiction to what Beaumont thinks is right for the concert party. Nevertheless, Mackintosh always tries his best and copes with what is given to him.
Gunner 'Nobby' Clark (GARY ONEILL):
'Nobby' Clark does a whistling act in the show, and can do excellent bird impersonation. He is not particularly clever, and often makes nonsense comments or observations about situations they find themselves in.
Gunner 'Nosher' Evans (WHEATS):
'Nosher' Evans does a paper tearing act. He is always eating something (and once stayed on punishment in the Canteen four hours after he was relieved as he was enjoying himself) resulting in him spraying the contents of his mouth all around him when he speaks.
Char Wallah Muhammad (RHYS BABY):
Muhammed the char wallah walks around the camp all day, selling tea from his urn. We can also hear him sing the musical interruptions between the scenes, which are mostly popular American hits, accompanied by a sitar. At the end of the credits he starts to sing "Land of Hope and Glory" only to be interrupted by the Sergeant-major shouting "SHUTUPPP!!!". He became the bearer when Rangi Ram left the series (Michael Bates died after Series 5).
Punkah Wallah Rumzan (AV):
Rumzan the punkah wallah always sits outside the officers' quarters, pulling a string that is attached to a large fan indoors. He comments on everything in Urdu, and always adds a few words in English at the end. Rangi often tells him to "sit up straight while you are punkah-ing" and not to "be such Clever Dickie". He is far more intelligent than the others give him credit, and much of what he observes early on is often borne out in the end, but no-one notices.
OVER TO YOU SMOG ON THE TYNE AND GROVE HILL WALLAH FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.
UP THE BORO.
Doffs cap to Keenog.
Average season - let's forget it.
Rapport with supporters? I don't know about others but the wee man is much more difficult to understand if your mother language is not Scottish (or even English). But this don't affect many except me as most Boro fans are local - even not as far as Stockton! Anyway Southgate was very easy to understand - so a lesson learnt by me here. Up the Boro!
Back after a break by the River Tay.
Missed the last day at Leicester but texts from my son and John Powls told of the grisly end to our season.
What do I find on my return? Coaching staff gone, Aliadioveragain leaving - he would have had a letter from his mum excusing him from the training camp.
As the spring clean gathers pace one thought keeps coming back into my mind. What does Gibbo think of it all?
His vision was to reduce the age and cost of the squad when MacMoses left (well done in Holland), to change into a young, technical team based on local youngsters.
I never thought O'Neil would come, with his wife being unwell and living just north of London somewhere in the midlands or the south seemed more likely.
Gate got the poison chalice and suffered the ultimate fate as his teams proved to be weak willed. The coaching staff have followed in his wake.
The squad had no spine to it and gradually folded.
Strachan has come in and is trying to remould the team into something of substance. I do not believe a man who was talented footballer and played at high levels will resort to launch it football.
He states he wishes to play passing football but that players have to be fit enough to keep doing it until the 95 minute. That has been a common theme on this blog for many a season.
I also dont believe he will ignore the youngsters. He cannot afford to do so and his record shows that he will play them.
Will he suceed? Jury is out after watching the slither following the Sheff Wed away match (Anlov, that encompasses the reigns of GS1 and GS2 - the faults were in Gates squad but GS2 couldnt turn it round)
I doubt that Strachan will get three plus seasons to get back into the top flight. It will be an interesting summer.
Excellent work keening, welcome to the club, you are now officially a maniac. If you see the Boro (dead people) in the most mundane and ordinary situations then you can join the club too.
At the moment my life also dovetails nicely into a Boroesque scenario. The wife is GS2, she wears the trousers, shouts a bit and has the odd sarcastic comment, usually about not being able to finish at the end or something. Fortunately these barbs are not delivered in a scots accent.
Smog Jnr, when not hijacking the laptop when the live blog is on is clearly Luke Williams. A prodigious talent, who everyone is getting very excited about. Me on the hand, well I work all week, write all the cheques, but nobody seams to like me much. So that must make meâŠâŠâÂÅ .oh dear
Smogonthetyne Now in Nunthorpe said:
Excellent work keening
Keening? Keening? who the heck is keening?
Of course i meant Keenog, the Indiana variant.
Apolgies for the error
Some thoughts about image.
A few years ago City, Spurs and ourselves were in a battle to get the last qualifying place for europe. This week City and Spurs fought for the last Champions League spot whilst we managed to finish in the top half of the second tier.
A couple of seasons ago the talk was of should we go for Sidwell? We got a one legged Frenchman instead and now Sidwell is told he can leave Villa. His new home could be at a club who have got to an unlikely dream final in europe following an amazing come back in the semi finals - Fulham.
Hey ho!
AV
One thought on your graphic. I wonder if all the text was in a dull grey it would be more appropriate? It would mirror the lack of colour in the last few seasons and the draining of belief from the fans.
Maybe we needed it to happen to restart the Riverside Revolution.
I'm not bothered about post-match comments, it is just contractuall obligation flannel and I would have voted like you AV "none of the above" to that question.
But the two fellow long time ST I go with both get very animated about this, taking it as a deep personal insult if Strachan either doesn't agree completely with their view or if he is in the slightest way sharp, emotive or won't play ball with the BBC bloke.
Why I don't know. They were the same with the last two managers, fuming at every word and getting themselves deliberately wound up after just about every game.
Why? I doesn't mean anything. It is the callers that should be full of anger and recrimination after a defeat not the boss. Mind, I turn them off.
I take it the Gazette are sending a man out to La Manga to relay the horror of the pre season camp. I think you should be âÂÂembeddedâ with the team AV and have to do 50 doggies before breakfast just so you can set the scene correctly.
What happens if the ash cloud returns and the team get stranded in Spain? Do they have to run home? Will disaffected players be snaffled up by La Liga Giants? You could do a live blog from Malaga airport.
**AV writes: Live blogging from La Manga? I will definitely put that suggestion to the editor. If there is a public demand.....
WHAT DO WE WANT! Live blogging from La Manga
WHEN DO WE WANT IT! Now!
Looming deadline
Obvious need for discussions months before result outcome
Public left floundering without leadership
Long discussions without any sign of positive and favourable outcome.
Boro transfer negotiation policy?
No, The home of democracy unable to provide a Government for its servants. I bet there are those on Teesside who think this is KLâÂÂs fault too.
**AV writes: There is good bit on the spoof site NewsArse about Chelsea and Arsenal being deep in coalition talks to put together a commanding majority over Manchester United to end the "hung Premiership" log-jam
Disagree about the hung premiership. It is clearly a case of a two party system where power swings between the red stroppy north and the blue new money south.
Arsenal are just a load of soft, sandal wearing, do gooders whose main complaint is that however attractive they appear just dont get their hands on power.
Toon are a bit like Greece, on the fringes with a mountain of debt and new austerity measures likely to lead to unrest on the streets.
Dont know where it leaves us.
**AV writes: Oh for PR.... parmo representation
Live blogging from La Manga is a great idea. Gotta tell us who is sick first from the running!! Who is the fittest and weakest player.............
Maybe we will get a hung press room after voting to decide who will go out to La Manga. It will probably be done using a single transferable vote system.
But maybe there are dark forces prowling the corridors who will decide who should go. KL may have a role to play as he will want whoever covers the trip to be 'onside'.
Sorry Vic, Uncle Eric it is. Does he get on with Mosso?
**AV writes: The last two years sports editor P Tallentire has mysteriously won the ballot to go to Portugal. One man, one vote and he's the one man....
With Crystal Palace staying up, and if the ten points had been returned still wouldnâÂÂt have made the play offs. Portsmouth would have gone down despite their nine point deduction.
So is the lesson here, go into administration if you are mid table nobodyâÂÂs (I am aware where boro finished) or destined for the drop and the FA canâÂÂt impose any penalties.
If you are in financial trouble with a chance of promotion then you can do a Cardiff, bury your head in the sand and go for broke. But this could well lead to missing out on Promotion, club implodes sell all the best players for a fraction of their worth. Doomed to relegation before a ball is kicked and then add on a 10 point penalty.
Have I missed something or are point deductions for financial irregularities âÂÂpointlessâÂÂ?
**AV writes: The prospect of them are also a big disincentive for potential buyers.
I think it is vital for the Boro to hunt down quality players with potential, wherever they may be. Of course it would be foolish to omit a careful search of those perennial hotbeds of football - Brazil, Argentina, Spain and Italy. South Africa can't be ignored either, bearing in mind the amount of football to be played there this summer.
And if the search is cast that wide, the Blog has to go to cover it. It's more than a service to fans - it's a duty.
I look forward, over the summer, to AV posting entries summarising the results of his searching far and wide, and coverage of the hard work being put in by our scouts. Two weeks in Rio, two in Buenos Aires, three in Jo'burg/Capetown, followed by a fortnight in Madrid then a fortnight in Rome as the new season approaches. That should just about cover it before he comes home.
A proper and comprehensive service for Boro supporters requires nothing else, so we look forward to hearing confirmation that The Gazette will authorise the expenditure, so that AV's secretary can make the necessary hotel bookings and travel arrangements.
(To be fair, and bearing in mind the economic situation in which many of us find ourselves at the present, only Standard class travel and no more than 4-star accommodation would be justified. However given the lengthy period away from home this would entail, a reasonable "entertainment budget" should be made available).
The public has a right to know what is going on behind the scenes, even if it means AV has to be holed up in some distant sub-tropical hell-hole.
**AV writes: I can see I have a overwhelming mandate to take on the challenge if the public demands it. I will tell the editor I feel I have the moral right to do it.